Aristophanes
Birds
Translator’s Note
This translation by Ian Johnston of Vancouver Island
University, Nanaimo, BC, has certain copyright restrictions. For
information please use the following link: Copyright. For comments or question
please contact Ian Johnston. To see a list of other translations and lectures
by Ian Johnston, use this link: johnstonia
This text is available in the form of a Word or Publisher
file for those who would like to print it off as a small book. There is no
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The translator would like to acknowledge the very
valuable help he received from the notes in Alan H. Sommerstein’s
edition of The Birds (Warminster:
Aris and Phillips, 1987).
This text was first
published in 2008. Minor formatting changes were made in 2014.
Note that in the following translation
the normal numbers refer to this text, while the numbers in square brackets refer
to the Greek text. Links to explanatory endnotes are indicated by an
asterisk (*).
Historical Note
The Birds was
first produced at the drama festival in 414 BC, where it won second prize. At
this period, during the Peloponnesian War, Athens was very powerful and
confident, having just launched the expedition to Sicily, fully expecting to
triumph in that venture and in the larger war.
Birds
Dramatis Personae
PISTHETAIROS: a
middle-aged Athenian
EUELPIDES: a middle-aged Athenian
SERVANT-BIRD: a slave serving Tereus,
once a man
TEREUS: a hoopoe bird, once a man
FLAMINGO
PEACOCK
A SECOND HOOPOE
GLUTTON-BIRD: a fictitious species
CHORUS LEADER
CHORUS: of birds
XANTHIAS: slave serving Pisthetairos
MANODOROS: slave serving Euelpides, also called MANES.
PROCNE: a nightingale with a woman’s body, consort of Tereus.
PRIEST
POET
ORACLE MONGER: a collector and interpreter of oracles
METON: a land surveyor
COMMISSIONER OF COLONIES: an
Athenian official
STATUTE SELLER: man who sells laws
FIRST MESSENGER: a construction-worker bird
SECOND MESSENGER: a soldier bird
IRIS: messenger goddess, daughter of Zeus
FIRST HERALD: a bird
YOUNG MAN: young Athenian who wants to beat up his father
CINESIAS: a very bad dithyrambic poet and singer
SYCOPHANT: a common informer
PROMETHEUS: the Titan
POSEIDON: god of the sea, brother of Zeus
HERCULES: the legendary hero, now divine
TRIBALLIAN GOD: an uncouth barbarian god
PRINCESS: a divine young lady
SECOND HERALD
Scene: A rugged, treed wilderness area up in the
rocky hills. Enter Pisthetairos and Euelpides, both very tired. They are
clambering down from the rocky heights towards the level stage. Pisthetairos
has a crow perched on his arm or shoulder, and
Euelpides has a jackdaw. Both Pisthetairos and Euelpides are carrying packs on
their back. They are followed by two slaves carrying more bags. The slaves stay
well out of the way until they get involved in the action later on.
EUELPIDES [speaking
to the bird he is carrying]
Are
you telling us to keep going straight ahead?
Over there by that tree?
PISTHETAIROS
Blast this bird—
it’s croaking for us to head back, go home.
EUELPIDES
Why
are we wandering up and down like this?
You’re such a fool—this endless weaving round
will kill us both.
PISTHETAIROS
I must be an idiot
to keep hiking on along these pathways,
a hundred miles at least, and just because
that’s what this crow keeps telling me to do.
EUELPIDES
What about me? My poor toe nails are thrashed. 10
I’ve worn them out because I’m following
what this jackdaw says.
PISTHETAIROS [looking
around]
I have no idea
where on earth we are.
EUELPIDES
You mean from here
you couldn’t make it back to your place? [10]
PISTHETAIROS:
No way—not even Execestides
could manage that.*
EUELPIDES
We’re in a real mess.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, you could try going along that pathway.
[The two men start exploring different paths down
to opposite sides of the stage]
EUELPIDES
We two were conned by that Philokrates,
the crazy vendor in the marketplace
who sells his birds on trays. He claimed these two 20
would take us straight to Tereus
the hoopoe,
a man who years ago became a bird.
That’s why we paid an obol
for this one,
this jackdaw, son of Tharreleides.*
and
three more for the crow. And then what?
The two know nothing, except how to bite.
[The jackdaw with Euelpides begins to get excited
about something. Euelpides talks to the bird]
What’s got your attention now? In
those rocks? [20]
You want to take us there? There’s no way through.
PISTHETAIROS [calling
across the stage to Euelpides]
By
god, the same thing over here, no road.
EUELPIDES
What’s your crow saying about the pathway? 30
PISTHETAIROS
By god, it’s not cawing what it did before.
EUELPIDES [shouting]
But what’s it saying about the road?
PISTHETAIROS
Nothing—
it’s
saying nothing, just keeps on croaking—
something about biting my fingers off.
EUELPIDES [addressing
the audience]
Don’t
you think it’s really odd the two of us,
ready and eager to head off for the birds,*
just can’t find the way. You see, we’re not well.
All you men sitting there to hear our words, [30]
we’re ill with a disease, not like the one
which Sacas suffers,* no—the
opposite. 40
He’s no true citizen, yet nonetheless
he’s pushing his way in by force, but we,
both honoured members of our tribe and clan,*
both citizens among you citizens,
with no one trying to drive us from the city,
have winged our way out of our native land
on our two feet. We don’t hate the city
because we think it’s not by nature great
and truly prosperous—open to all,
so they can spend their money paying fines. 50
Cicadas chirp up in the trees a while,
a month or two, but our Athenians [40]
keep chirping over lawsuits all their lives.
That’s why right now we’ve set off on this trip,
with all this stuff—basket, pot, and myrtle boughs.*
We’re looking for a nice relaxing spot,
where we can settle down, live out our lives.
We’re heading for Tereus,
that hoopoe bird—
we’d like to know if in his flying around
he’s seen a city like the one we want. 60
PISTHETAIROS
Hey!
EUELPIDES
What?
PISTHETAIROS
My crow keeps cawing upwards—
up there.
EUELPIDES
My jackdaw’s looking up there, too, [50]
as if it wants to show me something.
There must be birds around these rocks. I know—
let’s make noise and then we’ll see for sure.
PISTHETAIROS
You know what you should do? Kick that outcrop.
EUELPIDES
Why not use your head? There’d be twice the noise.
[Pisthetairos and Euelpides start climbing back up
the rocky outcrops towards a door in the middle of the rocks]
PISTHETAIROS
Pick up a stone and then knock on the door.
EUELPIDES
All right. Here I go.
[Euelpides knocks very loudly on the door and calls
out]
Hey, boy . . . boy!
PISTHETAIROS
What are you saying? Why call the hoopoe “boy”? 70
Don’t say that—you should call out
[giving
a bird call]
“hoopoe-ho.”
EUELPIDES [knocking
on the door and calling again]
Hoopoe-ho! . . . Should I knock
again? . . . Hoopoe-ho!
SERVANT-BIRD [inside]
Who is it? Who’s shouting for my master? [60]
[The door opens and an actor-bird emerges. He has a
huge beak which terrifies Euelpides and Pisthetairos.
They fall back in fear, and the birds they have been carrying disappear]
EUELPIDES
My lord Apollo, save us! That gaping beak—
SERVANT-BIRD [also
frightened]
Oh, oh, now we’re in for it.
You two men,
you’re bird-catchers!
EUELPIDES
Don’t act so weird!
Can’t you say something nice?
SERVANT-BIRD [trying
to scare them off]
You two men will die!
EUELPIDES
But we’re not men.
SERVANT-BIRD
What? What are you, then?
EUELPIDES
Well . . . I’m a chicken-shitter . . . a Libyan
bird . . .
SERVANT-BIRD
That’s rubbish.
EUELPIDES
No,
it’s not—I’ve just dropped my load— 80
down both my legs. Take a look.
SERVANT-BIRD
And this one here?
What kind of bird is he?
[to Pisthetairos]
Can you speak?
PISTHETAIROS
Me?
. . . a crapper-fowl . . . from Phasis.
EUELPIDES
God knows what kind of animal you are!
SERVANT-BIRD
I’m a servant bird.
EUELPIDES
Beaten by some rooster [70]
in
a cock fight?
SERVANT-BIRD
No. It was my master—
when he became a hoopoe, well,
I prayed
that I could turn into a bird.
That way
he’d still have me to serve
and wait on him.
EUELPIDES
Does a bird need his own butler bird? 90
SERVANT-BIRD
He does—I
think it’s got something to do
with the fact that earlier he was a
man.
So if he wants to taste some fish
from Phalerum,
I grab a plate and run off for
sardines.
If he wants soup, we need pot
and ladle,
so I dash off for the spoon.
EUELPIDES
A runner bird—
that’s what you are. Well, my little runner,
do you know what we’d like to
have you do? [80]
Go call your master for us.
SERVANT-BIRD
But he’s asleep—
for heaven’s sake, his
after-dinner snooze— 100
he’s just had gnats and myrtle berries.
EUELPIDES
Wake
him up anyway.
SERVANT-BIRD
I know for sure
he’ll be annoyed, but I’ll do
it, just for you.
[Exit Servant-Bird back through the doors]
PISTHETAIROS
Damn that bird—he scared me half to death.
EUELPIDES
Bloody
hell—he frightened off my bird!
PISTHETAIROS
You’re
such a coward—the worst there is.
Were
you so scared you let that jackdaw go?
EUELPIDES
What
about you? Didn’t you collapse
and
let your crow escape?
PISTHETAIROS
Not
me, by god.
EUELPIDES
Where
is it then?
PISTHETAIROS
It
flew off on its own. 110 [90]
EUELPIDES
You
didn’t let go? What a valiant man!
TEREUS: [from
inside, speaking in a grand style]
Throw
open this wood, so I may issue forth.
[The doors open. Enter Tereus,
a hoopoe bird, with feathers on his head and wings but none on his body.
He struts and speaks with a ridiculously affected confidence. Euelpides and
Pisthetairos are greatly amused
at his appearance]
EUELPIDES
O Hercules, what kind of
beast is this?
What’s
that plumage? What sort of triple crest?
TEREUS
Who
are the persons here who seek me out?
EUELPIDES
The
twelve gods, it seems, have worked you over.*
TEREUS
Does
seeing my feathers make you scoff at me?
Strangers,
I was once upon a time a man.
EUELPIDES
It’s
not you we’re laughing at.
TEREUS
Then
what is it?
EUELPIDES
It’s
your beak—to us it looks quite funny. 120
TEREUS
It’s
how Sophocles distorts Tereus— [100]
that’s
me—in his tragedies.
EUELPIDES
You’re
Tereus?
Are
you a peacock or a bird?*
TEREUS
I
am a bird.
EUELPIDES
Then
where are all your feathers?
TEREUS
They’ve
fallen off.
EUELPIDES
Have
you got some disease?
TEREUS
No,
it’s not that.
In
winter time all birds shed their feathers,
then
new ones grow again. But tell me this—
who
are the two of you?
EUELPIDES
Us? We’re human beings.
TEREUS
From
what race were you born?
EUELPIDES
Our
origin?
In
Athens—which makes the finest warships. 130
TEREUS
Ah,
so you’re jury-men, are you?
EUELPIDES
No,
no.
We’re
different—we keep away from juries.
TEREUS
Does
that seedling flourish in those parts?
[110]
EUELPIDES
If
you go searching in the countryside,
you’ll
find a few.
TEREUS
So
why have you come here?
What
do you need?
EUELPIDES
To
talk to you.
TEREUS
What
for?
EUELPIDES
Well,
you were once a man, as we are now.
You
owed people money, as we do now.
You
loved to skip the debt, as we do now.
Then
you changed your nature, became a bird. 140
You
fly in circles over land and sea.
You’ve
learned whatever’s known to birds and men.
That’s
why we’ve come as suppliants to you,
[120]
to
ask if you can tell us of some town,
where
life is sheepskin soft, where we can sleep.
TEREUS
Are
you looking for a mighty city,
more
powerful than what Cranaus built?*
EUELPIDES
Not
one more powerful, no. What we want
is
one which better suits the two of us.
TEREUS
You
clearly want an aristocracy. 150
EUELPIDES
Me? No, not at all. The son
of Scellias
is
someone I detest.*
TEREUS
All
right, then,
What
kind of city would you like to live in?
EUELPIDES
I’d
like a city where my biggest problem
would
be something like this—in the morning
a
friend comes to my door and says to me,
“In
the name of Olympian Zeus, take a bath, [130]
an
early one, you and your children,
then
come to my place for the wedding feast
I’m
putting on. Don’t disappoint me now.
160
If
you do, then don’t come looking for me
when
my affairs get difficult for me.”*
TEREUS
By
heaven, you poor man, you do love trouble.
What
about you?
PISTHETAIROS
I’d
like the same.
TEREUS
Like
what?
PISTHETAIROS
To
have the father of some handsome lad
come
up to me, as if I’d done him wrong,
and
tell me off with some complaint like this—
“A
fine thing there between you and my son, [140]
you
old spark. You met him coming back
from
the gymnasium, after his bath— 170
you
didn’t kiss or greet him with a hug,
or
even try tickling his testicles—
yet
you’re a friend of mine, his father.”
TEREUS
How
you yearn for problems, you unhappy man.
There
is a happy city by the sea,
the
Red Sea, just like the one you mention.*
EUELPIDES
No,
no. Not by the sea! That’s not for us,
not
where that ship Salamia can show up
with
some man on board to serve a summons
early
in the morning. What about Greece?
180
Can
you tell us of some city there?*
TEREUS
Why
not go and settle down in Elis—
in
Lepreus?
EUELPIDES
In
Leprous? By the gods,
I
hate the place—although I’ve never seen it—
[150]
it’s
all Melanthius’ fault.*
TEREUS
You
could go
to
the Opuntians—they’re in Locris—
you
might settle there.
EUELPIDES
Be
Opuntius—
no
way, not for a talent’s weight in gold.*
But
what’s it like here, living with the birds?
You
must know it well.
TEREUS
It’s
not unpleasant. 190
First
of all, you have to live without a purse.
EUELPIDES
So
you’re rid of one great source of fraud in life.
TEREUS
In
the gardens we enjoy white sesame,
[160]
the
myrtles, mint, and poppies.
EUELPIDES
So
you live
just
like newly-weds.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s
it! I’ve got it!
I
see a great plan for this race of birds—
and
power, too, if you’ll trust what I say.
TEREUS
What
do you want to get us all to do?
PISTHETAIROS
What
should you be convinced to do? Well, first,
don’t
just fly about in all directions,
200
your
beaks wide open—that makes you despised.
With
us, you see, if you spoke of men
who
always flit about and if you asked,
“Who’s
that Teleas” someone would respond,
“The
man’s a bird—he’s unreliable,
flighty,
vague, never stays in one place long.”* [170]
TEREUS
By Dionysus, that’s a valid point—
the
criticism’s fair. What should we do?
PISTHETAIROS
Settle
down together in one city.
TEREUS
What
sort of city could we birds set up?
210
PISTHETAIROS
Why
ask that? What a stupid thing to say!
Look
down.
TEREUS
All
right.
PISTHETAIROS
Now
look up.
TEREUS
I’m
looking up.
PISTHETAIROS
Turn
your head round to the side.
TEREUS
By Zeus,
this’ll
do me good, if I twist off my neck.
PISTHETAIROS
What
do you see?
TEREUS
Clouds
and sky.
PISTHETAIROS
Well,
then,
isn’t
this a staging area for birds?
TEREUS
A
staging area? How come it’s that?
PISTHETAIROS
You
might say it’s a location for them—
[180]
there’s
lots of business here, but everything
keeps
moving through this zone, so it’s now called 220
a
staging place. But if you settled here,
fortified
it, and fenced it off with walls,
this
staging area could become your state.
Then
you’d rule all men as if they’re locusts
and
annihilate the gods with famine,
just
like in Melos.*
TEREUS
How’d
we manage that?
PISTHETAIROS
Look,
between earth and heaven there’s the air.
Now,
with us, when we want to go to Delphi,
we
have to ask permission to pass through
from
the Boeotians. You should do the same. 230
When
men sacrifice, make gods pay you cash.
[190]
If
not, you don’t grant them rights of passage.
You’ll
stop the smell of roasting thigh bones
moving
through an empty space and city
which
don’t belong to them.
TEREUS
Wow!!!
Yippee!!
By
earth, snares, traps, nets, what a marvellous scheme!
I’ve
never heard a neater plan! So now,
with
your help, I’m going to found a city,
if
other birds agree.
PISTHETAIROS
The
other birds?
Who’s
going to lay this business out to them?
240
TEREUS
You
can do it. I’ve taught them how to speak. [200]
Before
I came, they could only twitter,
but
I’ve been with them here a long, long time.
PISTHETAIROS
How
do you call to bring them all together?
TEREUS
Easy. I’ll step inside my thicket here,
and
wake my nightingale. Then we’ll both call.
Once
they hear our voices they’ll come running.
PISTHETAIROS
O,
you darling bird, now don’t just stand there—
not
when I’m begging you to go right now,
get
in your thicket, wake your nightingale.
250
[Tereus goes back through
the doors]*
TEREUS [singing]
Come
my queen, don’t sleep so long,
pour
forth the sound of sacred song— [210]
lament
once more through lips divine
for
Itys, your dead child and mine,
the
one we’ve cried for all this time.*
Sing
out your music’s liquid trill
in
that vibrato voice—the thrill
which
echoes in those purest tones
through
leafy haunts of yew trees roams
and
rises up to Zeus’ throne. 260
Apollo
with the golden hair
sits
listening to your music there—
and
in response he plucks his string—
his
lyre of ivory then brings
the
gods themselves to dance and sing.
Then from gods’ mouths in
harmony [220]
come sounds of sacred melody.
[A flute starts playing within, in imitation of the
nightingale’s song. The melody continues for a few moments]
EUELPIDES
By
lord Zeus, that little birdie’s got a voice!
She
pours her honey all through that thicket!
PISTHETAIROS
Hey!
EUELPIDES
What?
PISTHETAIROS
Shut
up.
EUELPIDES
Why?
PISTHETAIROS
That
hoopoe bird— 270
he’s
all set to sing another song.
TEREUS [issuing
a bird call to all the birds.
His song or chant is accompanied by the flute indicating the nightingale’s
song]
Epo-popo-popo-popo-popoi,
Io,
io, ito,
ito, ito, ito.
Come
here to me,
all
you with feathers just like mine, [230]
all
you who live in country fields
fresh-ploughed,
still full of seed,
and
all you thousand tribes
who
munch on barley corn
who
gather up the grain, 280
and
fly at such a speed
and
utter your sweet cries,
all
you who in the furrows there
twitter
on the turned-up earth,
and
sweetly sing
tio
tio tio tio
tio tio tio
tio—
All
those of you
who
like to scavenge food
from
garden ivy shoots, [240]
all
you in the hills up there 290
who
eat from olive and arbutus trees.
come
here as quickly as you can,
fly
here in answer to this call—
trio-to
trio-to toto-brix!
And
every one of you
in
low-lying marshy ground
who
snap sharp-biting gnats,
by
regions of well-watered land,
and
lovely fields of Marathon,
all
you variously coloured birds, 300
godwits
and francolins—
I’m
calling you.
You
flocks who fly across the seas [250]
across
the waves with halcyons
come
here to learn the news.
We’re
all assembling here,
all
tribes of long-neck birds.
A
shrewd old man’s arrived—
he’s
here with a new plan,
a
man of enterprise, 310
all
set to improvise.
So
gather all of you
to
hear his words.
[The final words gradually change from coherent
speech into a bird call]
Come
here, come here,
come
here, come here.
Toro-toro toro-toro-tix
Kik-kabau,
kik-kabau.
[260]
Toro-toro toro-toro li-li-lix
[Euelpides and Pisthetairos start looking up into
the sky for birds]
PISTHETAIROS
Seen
any birds lately?
EUELPIDES
No,
by Apollo, I haven’t—
even
though I’m staring up into the sky,
320
not
even blinking.
PISTHETAIROS
It
seems to me
that
hoopoe bird was just wasting time
hiding,
like a curlew, in that thicket,
and
screaming out his bird calls—
[imitating
Tereus] po-poi
po-poi
[There is an instant response to Pisthetairos’ call
from off stage, a loud bird call which really scares Pisthetairos and
Euelpides]
BIRD [offstage]
Toro-tix, toro-tix.
PISTHETAIROS
Hey,
my good man, here comes a bird.
[Enter a flamingo, very tall and flaming
red-something Pisthetairos and Euelpides have never seen]
EUELPIDES
By Zeus,
that’s
a bird? What kind would you call that?
It
couldn’t be a peacock, could it?
[Tereus re-enters from
the thicket]
PISTHETAIROS
Tereus
here will tell us. Hey, my friend,
330
what’s
that bird there?
TEREUS
Not
your everyday fowl—
the
kind you always see. She’s a marsh bird.
[270]
EUELPIDES
My
goodness, she’s gorgeous—flaming red!
TEREUS
Naturally,
that’s why she’s called Flamingo.
[A second bird enters, a Peacock]
EUELPIDES [to
Pisthetairos]
Hey
. . .
PISTHETAIROS
What
is it?
EUELPIDES
Another
bird’s arrived.
PISTHETAIROS
You’re
right. By god, this one looks really odd.
[To
Tereus] Who’s
this bizarre bird-prophet of the Muse,
this
strutter from the hills?
TEREUS
He’s
called the Mede.
PISTHETAIROS
He’s
a Mede? By lord Hercules, how come
a
Mede flew here without his camel? 340
EUELPIDES
Here’s
another one . . .
[The next bird enters, another Hoopoe]
.
. . what a crest of feathers!
PISTHETAIROS [To Tereus]
What’s
this marvel? You’re not the only hoopoe?
[280]
This
here’s another one?
TEREUS
He’s
my grandson—
son
of Philocles the Hoopoe—it’s like
those
names you pass along, when you call
Hipponicus
the son of Callias,
and
Callias son of Hipponicus.*
PISTHETAIROS
So
this bird is Callias. His feathers—
he
seems to have lost quite a few.
TEREUS
Yes,
that’s true—
being
a well-off bird he’s plucked by parasites,
350
and
female creatures flock around him, too,
to
yank his plumage out.
[Enter the Glutton-bird, an invented species, very
fat and brightly coloured]
PISTHETAIROS
By
Poseidon,
here’s
another bright young bird. What’s it called?
TEREUS
This
one’s the Glutton-bird.
PISTHETAIROS
Another
glutton?
Cleonymus
is not the only one?*
EUELPIDES
If
this bird were like our Cleonymus, [290]
wouldn’t
he have thrown away his crest?
PISTHETAIROS
Why
do all the birds display such head crests?
Are
they going to run a race in armour?
TEREUS
No,
my dear fellow, they live up on the crests,
360
because
it’s safer, like the Carians.*
PISTHETAIROS [looking
offstage]
Holy
Poseidon, do you see those birds!
What a fowl
bunch of them—all flocking here!
EUELPIDES [looking
in the same direction]
Lord
Apollo, there’s a huge bird cloud! Wow!
So
many feathered wings in there I can’t see
a
way through all those feathers to the wings.
[Enter the Chorus of Birds in a dense mass. Pisthetairos
and Euelpides clamber up the rock to get a better look at them]
PISTHETAIROS
Hey,
look at that—
it’s
a partridge, and that one over there,
by
Zeus, a francolin—there’s a widgeon—
and
that’s a halcyon!
EUELPIDES
What’s
the one behind her?
PISTHETAIROS
What
is it? It’s a spotted shaver.
EUELPIDES
Shaver? 370
You
mean there’s a bird that cuts our hair?
PISTHETAIROS
Why
not?
After
all, there’s that barber in the city—
the
one we all call Sparrow Sporgilos.* [300]
Here
comes an owl.
EUELPIDES
Well,
what about that?
Who
brings owls to Athens?*
PISTHETAIROS [identifying
birds in the crowd]
.
. . a turtle dove,
a
jay, lark, sedge bird . . .
EUELPIDES
.
. . finch, pigeon . . .
PISTHETAIROS
.
. . falcon,
hawk,
ring dove . . .
EUELPIDES
.
. . cuckoo, red shank . . .
PISTHETAIROS
.
. . fire-crest . . .
EUELPIDES
.
. . porphyrion, kestrel, dabchick, bunting,
vulture,
and that one’s there’s a . . . [he’s stumped]
PISTHETAIROS
.
. . woodpecker!!
EUELPIDES
What
a crowd of birds! A major flock of fowls!
380
All
that twitter as they prance around,
those
rival cries! . . . Oh, oh, what’s going on?
Are
they a threat? They’re looking straight at us—
their
beaks are open!
PISTHETAIROS
It
looks that way to me.
CHORUS LEADER [starting
with a bird call]
To-toto-to to-toto-to to-to. [310]
Who’s
been calling me?
Where’s
he keep his nest?
TEREUS
I’m
the one. I’ve been waiting here a while.
I’ve
not left my bird friends in the lurch.
CHORUS LEADER
Ti-tit-ti ti-tit-ti
ti-ti-ti-ti 390
tell
me as a friend what you have to say.
TEREUS
I
have news for all of us—something safe,
judicious,
sweet, and profitable.
Two
men have just come here to visit me,
two
subtle thinkers . . .
CHORUS LEADER [interrupting]
What?
What are you saying?
TEREUS
I’m
telling you two old men have arrived—
[320]
they’ve
come from lands where human beings live
and
bring the stalk of a stupendous plan.
CHORUS LEADER
You
fool! This is the most disastrous thing
since
I was hatched. What are you telling us?
400
TEREUS
Don’t
be afraid of what I have to say.
CHORUS LEADER
What
have you done to us?
TEREUS
I’ve
welcomed here
two
men in love with our society.
CHORUS LEADER
You
dared to do that?
TEREUS
Yes,
indeed, I did.
And
I’m very pleased I did so.
CHORUS LEADER
These
two men of yours,
are
they among us now?
TEREUS
Yes,
as surely as I am.
CHORUS [breaking
into a song of indignation]
Aiiii,
aiiiii
He’s
cheated us,
he’s
done us wrong.
That
friend of ours, 410
who
all along
has
fed with us
in
fields we share, [330]
now
breaks old laws
and
doesn’t care.
We
swore a pact
of
all the birds.
He’s
now trapped us
with
deceitful words—
so
power goes 420
to
all our foes,
that
wicked race
which
since its birth
was
raised for war
with
us on earth.
CHORUS LEADER
We’ll
have some words with that one later.
These
two old men should get their punishment—
I
think we should give it now. Let’s do it—
rip
’em to pieces, bit by bit.
PISTHETAIROS
We’re
done for.
EUELPIDES
It’s
all your fault—getting us into this mess. 430
Why’d
you bring me here?
PISTHETAIROS
I
wanted you to come. [340]
EUELPIDES
What? So I
could weep myself to death?
PISTHETAIROS
Now,
you’re really talking nonsense—
how
do you intend to weep, once these birds
poke
out your eyes?
CHORUS [advancing
towards Pisthetairos and Euelpides
On, on . . .
let’s
move in to attack,
and
launch a bloody rush,
come
in from front and back,
and
break ’em in the crush—
with
wings on every side 440
they’ll
have no place to hide.
These
two will start to howl,
when
my beak starts to eat
and
makes ’em food for fowl.
There’s
no well-shaded peak,
no
cloud or salt-grey sea [350]
where
they can flee from me.
CHORUS LEADER
Now
let’s bite and tear these two apart!
Where’s
the brigadier? Bring up the right wing!
[The birds start to close in on Pisthetairos and
Euelpides, cowering up on the rocks]
EUELPIDES
This
is it! I’m done for. Where can I run?
450
PISTHETAIROS
Why
aren’t you staying put?
EUELPIDES
Here
with you?
I
don’t want ’em to rip me into pieces.
PISTHETAIROS
How
do you intend to get away from them?
EUELPIDES
I
haven’t a clue.
PISTHETAIROS
Then
I’ll tell you how—
we
have to stay right here and fight it out.
So
put that cauldron down.
[Pisthetairos takes the cauldron from Euelpides and
sets it down on the ground in front of them]
EUELPIDES
What
good’s a cauldron?
PISTHETAIROS
It’ll
keep the owls away from us.
EUELPIDES
What
about the birds with claws?
PISTHETAIROS [rummaging
in the pack]
Grab
this spit—
stick
it in the ground in front of you.
EUELPIDES
How
do we protect our eyes? [360]
PISTHETAIROS [producing
a couple of tin bowls]
An upturned bowl.
460
Set
this on your head.
EUELPIDES: [putting
the tin bowl upside down on his head and holding up the pot, with the spit
stuck in the ground]
That’s
brilliant!
What
a grand stroke of warlike strategy!
In
military matters you’re the best—
already
smarter than that Nikias*
[Pisthetairos and Euelpides, with tin bowls on
their heads, await the birds’ charge-with Pisthetairos hiding behind
Euelpides, who is holding up the big pot. Their two slaves cower behind them]
CHORUS LEADER
El-el-el-eu . . . Charge!
Keep
those beaks level—no holding back now!
Pull
‘em, scratch ’em, hit ’em, rip their skins off!
Go
smash that big pot first of all.
[As the Chorus is about to start its charge, Tereus rushes in between the two men and the Chorus and
tries
to stop the Chorus Leader]
TEREUS
Hold
on, you wickedest of animals!
Tell
me this: Why do you want to kill these men,
470
to
tear them both to bits? They’ve done no wrong.
Besides,
they’re my wife’s relatives, her clansmen.
CHORUS LEADER
Why
should we be more merciful to them
than
we are to wolves? What other animals
are
greater enemies of ours than them?
Have
we got better targets for revenge?
[370]
TEREUS
Yes,
by nature enemies—but what if
they’ve
got good intentions? What if they’ve come
to
teach you something really valuable?
CHORUS LEADER
How
could they ever teach us anything,
480
or
tell us something useful—they’re enemies,
our
feathered forefathers’ fierce foes.
TEREUS
But
folks with fine minds find from foemen
they
can learn a lot. Caution saves us all.
We
don’t learn that from friends. But enemies
can
force that truth upon us right away.
That’s
why cities learn, not from their allies,
but
from enemies, how to build high walls,
assemble
fleets of warships—in that way,
their
knowledge saves their children, homes, and goods.
490 [380]
CHORUS LEADER
Well,
here’s what seems best to me—first of all,
let’s
hear what they have come to say. It’s true—
our
enemies can teach us something wise.
PISTHETAIROS [to
Euelpides}
I
think their anger’s easing off. Let’s retreat.
[Pisthetairos and Euelpides inch their way toward
the doors, still bunched together, with Euelpides holding up the pot]
TEREUS [to
the Chorus Leader]
It’s
only fair—and you do owe me a favour,
out
of gratitude.
CHORUS LEADER
In
other things,
before
today, we’ve never stood against you.
PISTHETAIROS
They’re
acting now more peacefully to us—
so
put that pot and bowl down on the ground.
But
we’d better hang onto the spit, our spear.
500
We’ll
use it on patrol inside our camp [390]
right
by this cauldron here. Keep your eyes peeled—
don’t
even think of flight.
[Euelpides puts down the cauldron, removes his
tin-plate helmet, and marches with the spear back and forth
by the cauldron, on guard]
EUELPIDES
What
happens if we’re killed? Where on earth
will
we be buried?
PISTHETAIROS
In Kerameikos—
where
the potters live—they’ll bury both of us.
We’ll
get it done and have the public pay—
I’ll
tell the generals we died in battle,
fighting
with the troops at Orneai.*
CHORUS LEADER
Fall
back into the ranks you held before.
510 [400]
Bend
over, and like well-armed soldier boys,
put
your spirit and your anger down.
We’ll
look into who these two men may be,
where
they come from, what their intentions are.
[The Chorus of Birds breaks up and retreats]
Hey,
Hoopoe bird, I’m calling you!
TEREUS
You
called?
What
would you like to hear?
CHORUS LEADER
These
two men—
where
do they come from and who are they?
TEREUS
These
strangers are from Greece, font of wisdom.
CHORUS LEADER
What
accident or words [410]
now
brings them to the birds? 520
TEREUS
The
two men love your life,
adore
the way you live—
they
want to share with you
in
all there is to give.
CHORUS LEADER
What’s
that you just said?
What
plan is in their head?
TEREUS
Things
you’d never think about—
you’ll
be amazed—just hear him out.
CHORUS LEADER
He
thinks it’s good that he
should
stay and live with me? 530
Is he trusting in some plan
to
help his fellow man
or
thump his enemy? [420]
TEREUS
He
talks of happiness
too
great for thought or words
He
claims this emptiness—
all
space—is for the birds—
here, there, and everywhere.
You’ll be convinced, I swear.
CHORUS LEADER
Is
he crazy in the head? 540
TEREUS
He
is shrewder than I said.
CHORUS LEADER
A
brilliant thinking box?
TEREUS
The
subtlest, sharpest fox—
he’s been around a lot
knows every scheme and plot. [430]
CHORUS LEADER
Ask
him to speak to us, to tell us all.
As I listen now to what you’re
telling me,
it makes me feel like
flying—taking off!
TEREUS [to
the two slaves]
Take their suits of armour in
the house—
hang the stuff up in the
kitchen there, 550
beside the cooking stool—may it bring good luck!
[turning to Pisthetairos]
Now you. Lay out your plans—explain to them
the reason why I called them
all together.
[Pisthetairos is struggling with the servants,
refusing to give up his armour]
PISTHETAIROS
No. By Apollo, I won’t do it—
not unless they swear a pact
with me
just like one that monkey Panaitios, [440]
who makes our knives, had his wife swear to him—
not to bite or pull my balls
or poke me.
CHORUS LEADER
You
mean up your . . .
PISTHETAIROS
No, not there. I mean the eyes.
CHORUS LEADER
Oh,
I’ll agree to that.
PISTHETAIROS
Then swear an oath on it. 560
CHORUS LEADER
I
swear on this condition—that I get
all the judges’ and
spectators’ votes and win.*
PISTHETAIROS
Oh,
you’ll win!
CHORUS LEADER
And if I break the oath
then let me win by just a
single vote.
Listen all of you! The armed
infantry
can now pick up their weapons
and go home.
Keep an eye out for any
bulletins
we put up on our notice
boards. [450]
CHORUS [singing]
Man’s
by nature’s born to lie.
But state your case. Give it a
try. 570
There’s a chance you have observed
some useful things inside this
bird,
some greater power I possess,
which my dull brain has never
guessed.
So tell all here just what you
see.
If there’s a benefit to me,
we’ll share in it communally.
CHORUS LEADER
Tell
us the business that’s brings you here.
[460]
Persuade us of your views. So speak right up.
No need to be afraid—we’ve
made a pact— 580
we won’t be the ones who break it first.
PISTHETAIROS [aside
to Euelpides]
By
god, I’m full of words, bursting to speak.
I’ve worked my speech like
well-mixed flour—
like kneading dough. There’s
nothing stopping me.
[giving instructions to
the two slaves]
You, lad, fetch me a speaker’s wreath—and, you,
bring water here, so I can
wash my hands.
[The two slaves go into the house and return with a
wreath and some water]
EUELPIDES [whispering
to Pisthetairos]
You
mean it’s time for dinner? What’s going on?
PISTHETAIROS
For
a long time now I’ve been keen, by god,
to give them a stupendous
speech—overstuffed—
something to shake their tiny birdy souls. 590
[Pisthetairos, with the wreath on his head, now
turns to the birds and begins his formal oration]
I’m so sorry for you all, who once were kings . . .
CHORUS LEADER
Kings?
Us? What of?
PISTHETAIROS
You were kings indeed,
you ruled over everything
there is—
over him and me, first of all,
and then
over Zeus himself. You see,
your ancestry
goes back before old Kronos and the Titans,
way back before even Earth
herself!*
CHORUS LEADER
Before
the Earth?
PISTHETAIROS
Yes, by Apollo.
CHORUS LEADER
Well,
that’s something I never knew before!
[470]
PISTHETAIROS
That’s
because you’re naturally uninformed— 600
you lack resourcefulness. You’ve not read Aesop.
His story tells us that the
lark was born
before the other birds, before
the Earth.
Her father then grew sick and
died. For five days
he lay there unburied—there
was no Earth.
Not knowing what to do, at
last the lark,
at her wits’ end, set him in
her own head.
EUELPIDES
So
now, the father of the lark lies dead
in a headland plot.
PISTHETAIROS
So if they were born
before the Earth, before the
gods, well then, 610
as the eldest, don’t they get the right to rule?
EUELPIDES
By
Apollo, yes they do.
[addressing the audience]
So you out there,
look ahead and sprout
yourselves a beak—
in good time Zeus will hand
his sceptre back [480]
to the birds who peck his sacred oaks.
PISTHETAIROS
Way
back then it wasn’t gods who ruled.
They didn’t govern men. No. It
was the birds.
There’s lots of proof for
this. I’ll mention here
example number one—the
fighting cock—
first lord and king of all
those Persians, 620
well before the time of human kings—
those Dariuses
and Megabazuses.
Because he was their king, the
cock’s still called
the Persian Bird.
EUELPIDES
That’s why to this very day
the cock’s the only bird to strut
about
like some great Persian king,
and on his head
he wears his crown erect.
PISTHETAIROS
He was so great,
so mighty and so strong, that
even now,
thanks to his power then, when
he sings out
his early morning song, all
men leap up 630
to head for work—blacksmiths, potters, tanners,
[490]
men who deal in corn or
supervise the baths,
or make our shields or fabricate
our lyres—
they all lace on their shoes
and set off in the dark.
EUELPIDES
I
can vouch for that! I had some bad luck,
thanks to that cock—I lost my
cloak to thieves,
a soft and warm one, too, of
Phrygian wool.
I’d been invited to a festive
do,
where some child was going to
get his name,
right here in the city. I’d
had some drinks— 640
and those drinks, well, they made me fall asleep.
Before the other guests began
to eat,
that bird lets rip his
cock-a-doodle-doo!
I thought it was the early
morning call.
So I run off for Halimus*—but then,
just outside the city walls, I
get mugged,
some coat thief hits me square
across the back—
he used a cudgel! When I fall
down there,
about to cry for help, he
steals my cloak!
PISTHETAIROS
To
resume—way back then the Kite was king. 650
He ruled the Greeks.
CHORUS LEADER
King of the Greeks!!
PISTHETAIROS
That’s right.
As king he was the first to
show us how [500]
to grovel on the ground before a kite.
EUELPIDES
By Dionysus, I once saw a kite
and rolled along the ground,
then, on my back,
my mouth wide open, gulped an obol down.
I had to trudge home with an
empty sack.*
PISTHETAIROS
Take
Egypt and Phoenicia—they were ruled
by Cuckoo kings. And when they cried “Cuckoooo!!”
all
those Phoenicians harvested their crop— 660
the wheat and barley in their fields.
EUELPIDES
That’s why
if someone’s cock is ploughing
your wife’s field,
we call you “Cuckoo!”—you’re
being fooled!*
PISTHETAIROS
The
kingship of the birds was then so strong
that in the cities of the
Greeks a king—
an Agamemnon, say, or
Menelaus—
had a bird perched on his
regal sceptre.
And it got its own share of
all the gifts [510]
the king received.
EUELPIDES
Now, that I didn’t know.
I always get amazed in
tragedies 670
when some king Priam comes on with a bird.
I guess it stands on guard
there, keeping watch
to see what presents Lysicrates gets.*
PISTHETAIROS
Here’s
the weirdest proof of all—lord Zeus
who now commands the sky,
because he’s king,
carries an eagle on his head.
There’s more—
his daughter has an owl, and
Apollo,
like a servant, has a hawk.
EUELPIDES
That’s right,
by Demeter! What’s the reason
for those birds?
PISTHETAIROS
So
when someone makes a sacrifice 680
and then, in accordance with tradition,
puts the guts into god’s
hands, the birds
can seize those entrails well
before Zeus can.
Back then no man would swear
upon the gods—
they swore their oaths on
birds. And even now, [520]
our Lampon seals his promises “By Goose,”
when he intends to cheat.* In
days gone by,
all men considered you like
that—as great
and sacred beings. Now they
all think of you
as slaves and fools and
useless layabouts. 690
They throw stones at you, as if you’re mad.
And every hunter in the
temples there
sets up his traps—all those
nooses, gins,
limed sticks and snares, fine
mesh and hunting nets,
and cages, too. Then once
they’ve got you trapped,
they sell you by the bunch. Those who come to buy
poke and prod your flesh.
If you seem good to eat, [530]
they don’t simply roast you by yourself—no!
They grate on cheese, mix oil
and silphium
with vinegar—and then whip up
a sauce, 700
oily and sweet, which they pour on you hot,
as if you were a chunk of
carrion meat.
CHORUS
This
human speaks
of our great pain
our fathers’ sins [540]
we mourn again—
born into rule,
they threw away
what they received,
their fathers’ sway. 710
But now you’ve come—
fine stroke of fate—
to save our cause.
Here let me state
I’ll trust myself
and all my chicks
to help promote
your politics.
CHORUS LEADER
You
need to stick around to tell us all
what we should do. Our lives
won’t be worth living 720
unless by using every scheme there is
we get back what’s ours—our
sovereignty.
PISTHETAIROS
Then
the first point I’d advise you of is this:
[550]
there should be one single city of the birds.
Next, you should encircle the
entire air,
all this space between the
earth and heaven,
with a huge wall of baked
brick—like Babylon.
EUELPIDES
O
Kebriones and Porphyrion!
What a mighty place! How well
fortified!*
PISTHETAIROS
When
you’ve completed that, demand from Zeus 730
he give you back your rule. If he says no,
he doesn’t want to and won’t
sign on at once,
you then declare a holy war on
him.
Tell those gods they can’t
come through your space
with cocks erect, the way they
used to do,
rushing down to screw another
woman—
like Alkmene,
Semele, or Alope.*
For if you ever catch them
coming down
you’ll stamp your seal right
on their swollen pricks— [560]
they won’t be fucking women any more. 740
And I’d advise you send another bird
as herald down to human beings
to say
that since the birds from now
on will be kings,
they have to offer sacrifice
to them.
The offerings to the gods take
second place.
Then each of the gods must be
closely matched
with an appropriate bird. So
if a man
is offering Athena holy
sacrifice,
he must first give the Coot
some barley corn.
If sacrificing sheep to god
Poseidon, 750
let him bring toasted wheat grains to the Duck.
And anyone who’s going to
sacrifice
to Hercules must give the
Cormorant
some honey cakes. A ram for Zeus the king?
Then first, because the Wren
is king of birds,
ahead of Zeus himself, his sacrifice
requires the worshipper to
execute
an uncastrated
gnat.
EUELPIDES
I like that bit about
the slaughtered gnat. Now
thunder on, great Zan.* [570]
CHORUS LEADER
But
how will humans think of us as gods 760
and not just jackdaws flying around on wings?
PISTHETAIROS
A
foolish question. Hermes is a god,
and he has wings and flies—so
do others,
all sorts of them. There’s
Victory, for one,
with wings of gold. And Eros
is the same.
Then there’s Iris—just like a
timorous dove,
that’s what Homer says.
EUELPIDES
But what if Zeus
lets his thunder peal, then
fires down on us
his lightning bolt—that’s got
wings as well.
PISTHETAIROS [ignoring
Euelpides]
Now, if men in their stupidity 770
think nothing of you and keep worshipping
Olympian gods, then a large
cloud of birds,
of rooks and sparrows, must
attack their farms,
devouring all the seed. And as
they starve,
let Demeter then dole out
grain to them. [580]
EUELPIDES
She
won’t be willing to do that, by Zeus.
She’ll make excuses—as you’ll
see.
PISTHETAIROS
Then as a test,
the ravens can peck out their
livestock’s eyes,
the ones that pull the ploughs
to work the land,
and other creatures, too. Let
Apollo 780
make them better—he’s the god of healing.
That’s why he gets paid.
EUELPIDES
But you can’t do this
’til I’ve sold my two little
oxen first.
PISTHETAIROS
But
if they think of you as god, as life,
as Earth, as Kronos and Poseidon, too,
then all good things will come
to them.
CHORUS LEADER
Tell me
what these good things are.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, for starters,
locusts won’t eat the blossoms
on their vines.
The owls and kestrels in just
one platoon
will rid them of those pests.
Mites and gall wasps 790
[590]
won’t devour the figs. One troop of thrushes
will eradicate them one and
all.
CHORUS LEADER
But
how will we make people wealthy?
That’s what they mostly want.
PISTHETAIROS
When people come
petitioning your shrines, the
birds can show
the mining sites that pay.
They’ll tell the priest
the profitable routes for
trade. That way
no captain of a ship will be
wiped out.
CHORUS LEADER
Why
won’t those captains come to grief?
PISTHETAIROS
They’ll
always ask the birds about the trip.
800
Their seer will say, “A storm is on the way.
Don’t sail just yet” or “Now’s
the time to sail—
you’ll turn a tidy profit.”
EUELPIDES
Hey, that’s for me—
I’ll buy a merchant ship and
take command.
I won’t be staying with you.
PISTHETAIROS
Birds can show men
the silver treasures of their
ancestors,
buried in the ground so long
ago.
For birds know where these
are. Men always say, [600]
“No one knows where my treasure lies, no one,
except perhaps some bird.”
EUELPIDES
I’ll sell my boat. 810
I’ll buy a spade and dig up tons of gold.
CHORUS LEADER
How
will we provide for human health?
Such things dwell with the
gods.
PISTHETAIROS
If they’re doing well,
is that not giving them good
health?
EUELPIDES
You’re right.
A man whose business isn’t
very sound
is never medically well.
CHORUS LEADER
All right,
but how will they get old? That’s
something, too,
Olympian gods bestow. Must
they die young?
PISTHETAIROS
No,
no, by god. The birds will add on years,
three hundred more.
CHORUS LEADER
And
where will those come from? 820
PISTHETAIROS
From
the birds’ supply. You know the saying,
“Five human lifetimes lives
the cawing crow.”*
EUELPIDES
My
word, these birds are much more qualified
[610]
to govern us than Zeus.
PISTHETAIROS
Far better qualified!
First, we don’t have to build
them holy shrines,
made out of stone, or put up
golden doors
to decorate their sanctuaries.
They live
beneath the bushes and young
growing trees.
As for the prouder birds, an
olive grove
will be their temple. When we
sacrifice, 830
no need to go to Ammon or to Delphi—
we’ll just stand among arbutus
trees [620]
or oleasters with an offering—
barley grains or
wheat—uttering our prayers,
our arms outstretched, so from
them we receive
our share of benefits. And
these we’ll gain
by throwing them a few
handfuls of grain.
CHORUS LEADER
Old
man, how much you’ve been transformed for me—
From
my worst enemy into my friend,
my dearest friend. These
strategies of yours— 840
I’ll not abandon them, not willingly.
CHORUS
The
words you’ve said make us rejoice—
and so we’ll swear with just
one voice
an oath that if you stand with
me— [630]
our thoughts and aims in unity—
honest, pious, just, sincere,
to go against the gods up
there,
if we’re both singing the same
song
the gods won’t have my sceptre
long.
CHORUS LEADER
Whatever
can be done with force alone 850
we’re ready to take on—what requires brains
or thinking through, all that
stuff’s up to you.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s
right, by Zeus. No time for dozing now,
[640]
or entertaining doubts, like Nikias.*
No—let’s get up and at it
fast.
TEREUS
But
first, you must come in this nest of mine,
these sticks and twigs
assembled here. So now,
both of you,
tell us your names.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s easy.
My name’s Pisthetairos.
TEREUS
And this man here?
EUELPIDES
I’m
Euelpides, from Crioa.
860
TEREUS
Welcome
both of you!
PISTHETAIROS and EUELPIDES
Thanks very much.
TEREUS
Won’t
you come in?
PISTHETAIROS
Let’s go. But you go first—
show us the way.
TEREUS
Come on, then.
[Tereus enters his house]
PISTHETAIROS [holding
back, calling into the house]
But . . . it’s strange . . .
Come back a minute.
[Tereus reappears at the
door]
Look, tell us both
how me and him can share the
place with you
when you can fly but we’re not
able to. [650]
TEREUS
I
don’t see any problem there.
PISTHETAIROS
Maybe,
but in Aesop’s fables there’s
a story told
about some fox who hung around
an eagle,
with unfortunate results.
TEREUS
Don’t be afraid. 870
We have a little root you nibble on—
and then you’ll grow some
wings.
PISTHETAIROS
All right then,
let’s go. [To
the slaves] Manodorus, Xanthias,
bring in our mattresses.
CHORUS LEADER [to
Tereus]
Hold on a second—
I’m calling you.
TEREUS
Why are you calling me?
CHORUS LEADER
Take
those two men in—give ‘em a good meal.
But bring your tuneful
nightingale out here,
who with the Muses sings such
charming songs—
leave her with us so we can
play together. [660]
PISTHETAIROS
Yes,
by god—agree to their request. 880
Bring
out your little birdie in the reeds.
EUELPIDES
For
gods’ sake, bring her out, so we can see
this
lovely nightingale of yours.
TEREUS
If
that’s what you both want, it must be done.
[calling inside]
Come
here, Procne. Our guests are calling you.
[Enter Procne from the
house. She has a nightingale’s head and wings but the body of a young woman.
She is wearing gold jewellery]
PISTHETAIROS
Holy
Zeus, that’s one gorgeous little bird!
What
a tender chick!
EUELPIDES
How
I’d love to help that birdie
spread
her legs, if you catch my drift.
PISTHETAIROS
Look
at that—
all
the gold she’s wearing—just like a girl. [670]
EUELPIDES
What
I’d like to do right now is kiss her.
890
PISTHETAIROS
You
idiot—look at that beak she’s got,
a
pair of skewers.
EUELPIDES
All
right, by god,
we’ll
treat her like an egg—peel off the shell,
take it clean off her head, and
then we’ll kiss her.
TEREUS
Let’s
get inside.
PISTHETAIROS
You lead us in—good luck to all!
[Pisthetairos, Euelpides, Tereus,
Xanthias, and Manodorus
enter the house]
CHORUS [singing
to Procne]
Ah, my tawny throated love,
of all the birds that fly above
you’re dearest to my heart
your sweet melodious voice
in my song plays its part— 900
my lovely Nightingale,
you’ve come, [680]
you’ve come.
And now you’re here with me.
Pour forth your melody.
Pipe out the lovely sounds of spring,
a prelude to my rhythmic speech
in every melody you sing.
[Procne plays on the
flute for a few moments as the Chorus Leader prepares to address the audience
directly.
He steps forward getting close to the spectators]
CHORUS LEADER
Come now, you men out there,
who live such dark, sad lives—
you’re frail, just like a race
of leaves—you’re shaped from
clay,
you tribes of insubstantial shadows without wings,
you creatures of a day,
unhappy mortal men,
you figures from a dream, now
turn your minds to us,
the eternal, deathless,
air-borne, ageless birds,
whose wisdom never dies, so
you may hear from us
the truth about celestial
things, about the birds— [690]
how they sprang into being, how the gods arose,
how rivers, Chaos, and dark
Erebus were formed*—
about all this you’ll learn the
truth. And so from me
tell Prodicus
in future to depart.* At the start,
920
there was Chaos, and Night, and pitch-black Erebus,
and spacious Tartarus. There was no earth, no heaven,
no
atmosphere. Then in the wide womb of Erebus,
that boundless space,
black-winged Night, first creature born,
made pregnant by the wind,
once laid an egg. It hatched,
when seasons came around, and
out of it sprang Love—
the source of all desire, on
his back the glitter
of his golden wings, just like
the swirling whirlwind.
In broad Tartarus,
Love had sex with murky Chaos.
From them our race was
born—our first glimpse of the light.
930
Before that there was no immortal race at all,
not before Love mixed all
things up. But once they’d bred [700]
and blended in with one another, Heaven was born,
Ocean and Earth—and all that
clan of deathless gods.
Thus, we’re by far the oldest
of all blessed ones,
for we are born from Love.
There’s lots of proof for this.
We fly around the place,
assisting those in love—
the handsome lads who swear
they’ll never bend for sex,
but who, as their young charms
come to an end, agree
to let male lovers bugger
them, thanks to the birds, 940
our power as gifts—one man gives a porphyrion,
another
man a quail, a third one gives a goose,
and
yet another offers up a Persian Fowl.*
All
mortals’ greatest benefits come from us birds.
The
first is this: we make the season known—springtime,
winter,
autumn—it’s time to sow, as soon as Crane
migrates
to Lybia with all that noise. He tells [710]
the
master mariner to hang his rudder up
and
go to sleep awhile. He tells Orestes, too,
to
weave himself a winter cloak, so he won’t freeze 950
when
he sets out again to rip off people’s clothes.*
Then
after that the Kite appears, to let you know
another
season’s here—it’s time to shear the sheep.
Then
Swallow comes. Now you should sell your winter cloak
and
get yourself a light one. So we’re your Ammon,
Delphi
and Dodona—we’re your Apollo, too.*
See
how, in all your business, you first look to birds—
when
you trade, buy goods, or when a man gets married.
Whatever
you think matters in a prophecy,
you
label that a bird—to you, Rumour’s a bird;
[720]
you
say a sneeze or a chance meeting is a bird,
a
sound’s a bird, a servant’s a bird—and so’s an ass.
It’s
clear you look on us as your Apollo.
CHORUS
So
you ought to make gods of your birds,
your
muses prophetic, whose words
all
year round you’ve got,
unless
it’s too hot.
Your
questions will always be heard.
And
we won’t run away to a cloud
and
sit there like Zeus, who’s so proud— 970
we’re
ready to give,
hang
out where you live,
and
be there for you in the crowd.
CHORUS LEADER
Yes,
to you, your children, and their children, too,
[730]
we’ll
grant wealth and health, good life, and happiness,
peace,
youth, laughter, dances, festivals of song—
and birds’ milk, too—so much,
you’ll find yourself worn out
with our fine gifts—yes,
that’s how rich you’ll be.
CHORUS
O woodland Muse
Tio-tio-tio-tiotinx 980
my muse of varied artful song
on trees and from high mountain peaks
[740]
tio-tio-tio-tiotinx
to your notes I sing along
in my leafy ash tree seat.
tio-tio-tio-tiontinx
From my tawny throat I fling
my sacred melodies to Pan.
In holy dance I chant and sing
our mother from the mountain land.
990
Toto-toto-toto-toto-toto-totinx
Here Phrynichus would always sip [750]
ambrosial nectar from our tone
to make sweet music of his own.
tio-tio-tio-tiotinx.
CHORUS LEADER
If
there’s someone out there in the audience
who’d like to spend his future
life among the birds
enjoying himself,
he should come to us. Here, you see,
whatever is considered
shameful by your laws,
is all just fine among us
birds. Consider this— 1000
if your tradition says one shouldn’t beat one’s dad,
up here with us it’s all right
if some young bird
goes at his father, hits him,
cries, “You wanna fight?
Then put up your spur!” If out
there among you all [760]
there is, by chance, a tattooed slave who’s run away,
we’ll call him a spotted
francolin. Or else,
if someone happens to be
Phrygian, as pure
as Spintharos,
he’ll be a Philemon-bred finch.
If he’s like Execestides, a Carian slave,
let him act the Cuckoo—steal
his kin from us— 1010
some group of citizens will claim him soon enough.
And if the son of Peisias still has in mind
betraying our city gates to
worthless men,
let him become his father’s
little partridge cock—
for us there’s nothing wrong
with crafty partridge stock.
CHORUS
Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx-
That’s how the swans [770]
massed in a crowd
with rustling wings
once raised aloud 1020
Apollo’s hymn.
Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx
They sat in rows
on river banks
where Hebros flows.
Tio-tio-tio-tio-tinx
Their song then rose
through cloud and air—
it cast its spell
on mottled tribes 1030
of wild beasts there—
the silent sky
calmed down the sea.
Toto-toto-toto-toto-totinx.
Olympus rang— [780]
amazement seized
its lords and kings.
Then Muses there
and Graces, too,
voiced their response— 1040
Olympus sang.
Tio-tio-tio-tio-tiotinx.
CHORUS LEADER
There’s
nothing sweeter or better than growing wings.
If any of you members of the
audience
had wings, well, if you were
feeling bored or hungry
with these tragic choruses,
you could fly away,
go home for dinner, and then,
once you’d had enough,
fly back to us again. Or if,
by any chance,
a Patrocleides
sits out there among you all, [790]
dying to shit, he wouldn’t have to risk a fart 1050
in his own pants—he could fly off and let ’er rip,
take a deep breath, and fly
back down again.
If it should be the case that
one of you out there
is having an affair, and you
observe her husband
sitting here, in seats
reserved for Council men,
well, once again, you could
fly off and fuck the wife,
then fly back from her place
and take your seat once more.
Don’t you see how having wings
to fly beats everything?
Just look at Diitrephes—the only wings he had
were handles on his flasks of
wine, but nonetheless, 1060
they chose him to lead a squad of cavalry,
then for a full command, so
now, from being nobody,
he carries out our great
affairs—he’s now become [800]
a tawny civic horse-cock.*
[Enter Pisthetairos and Euelpides from Tereus’ house. They now have wings on and feathers on their
heads
instead of hair}
PISTHETAIROS
Well, that’s that. By Zeus,
I’ve never seen a more
ridiculous sight!
EUELPIDES
What
are you laughing at?
PISTHETAIROS
At your feathers.
Have you any idea what you
look like—
what you most resemble with
those feathers on?
A goose painted by some cheap
artiste!
EUELPIDES
And
you look like a blackbird—one whose hair 1070
has just been cut using a barber’s bowl.
PISTHETAIROS
People
will use us as metaphors—
as Aeschlyus
would say, “We’re shot by feathers
not from someone else but of
our very own.”
CHORUS LEADER
All
right, then. What do we now need to do?
PISTHETAIROS
First,
we have to name our city, something
fine and grand. Then after
that we sacrifice [810]
an offering to the gods.
EUELPIDES
That’s my view, too.
CHORUS LEADER
So
what name shall we give our city?
PISTHETAIROS
Well,
do you want to use that mighty name 1080
from Lacedaimon—shall we call it Sparta?
EUELPIDES
By Hercules, would I use that name Sparta
for my city? No. I wouldn’t
even try
esparto grass to make my bed,
not if
I could use cords of linen.*
PISTHETAIROS
All right then, what name
shall we provide?
CHORUS LEADER
Some name from around here—
to do with clouds, with high
places full of air,
something really extra grand.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, then,
how do you like this: Cloudcuckooland?
CHORUS LEADER
Yes!
That’s good! You’ve come up with a name 1090
[820]
that’s really wonderful—it’s great!
EUELPIDES
Hang on,
is this Cloudcuckooland
the very spot
where Theogenes
keeps lots of money,
and Aeschines
hides all his assets?*
PISTHETAIROS
It’s
even more than that—it’s Phlegra Plain,
the place where gods beat up
on all the giants
in a bragging match.*
EUELPIDES
This fine metropolis!
O what a glittering thing this
city is!
Now who should be the city’s
guardian god?
Who gets to wear the sacred
robes we weave? 1100
PISTHETAIROS
Why
not let Athena do the guarding?
EUELPIDES
But
how can we have a finely ordered state
where a female goddess stands
there fully armed, [830]
while Cleisthenes still fondles weaving shuttles.*
PISTHETAIROS
Well,
who will hold our city’s strong Storkade?
CHORUS LEADER
A
bird among us of a Persian breed—
it’s said to be the fiercest
anywhere
of all the
war god’s chicks.
EUELPIDES
Some princely cocks?
They’re just the gods to live
among the rocks!
PISTHETAIROS [to
Euelpides]
Come now, you must move up
into the air, 1110
and help the ones who’re building up the wall—
hoist rubble for ’em, strip and mix the mortar,
haul up the hod, and then fall off the ladder. [840]
Put guards in place, and keep all fires concealed.
Make your inspection rounds
holding the bell.*
Go to sleep up there. Then
send out heralds—
one to gods above, one down to
men below.
And then come back from there
to me.
EUELPIDES
And you?
You’ll stay here? Well, to
hell with you . . .
PISTHETAIROS
Hey, my friend,
you should go where I send
you—without you 1120
none of that work I mentioned will get done.
We need a sacrifice to these
new gods.
I’ll call a priest to organize
the show.
[Euelpides exits. Pisthetairos calls to the
slaves through the doors of Tereus’ house]
You, boy, pick up the basket, and you,
my lad, grab up the holy
water. [850]
[Pisthetairos enters the house. As the Chorus
sings, the slaves emerge and prepare for the sacrifice.
The Chorus is accompanied by a raven playing the pipes]
CHORUS
I
think it’s good and I agree,
your notions here are fine with me,
a great big march with dancing throngs
and to the gods send holy songs,
and then their benefits to keep 1130
we’ll sacrifice a baby sheep—
let go our cry, the Pythian shout,
while Chaeris plays our chorus out.
[The Raven plays erratically on the pipe.
Pisthetairos comes out of the house. He brings a priest with him,
who is leading a small scrawny goat for the sacrifice]
PISTHETAIROS [to
the Raven]
Stop
blowing all that noise! By Hercules,
what’s this? I’ve seen some
strange things, heaven knows, [860]
but never this—a raven with a pipe
shoved up his nose. Come on,
priest, work your spell,
and sacrifice to these new
gods as well.
PRIEST
I’ll
do it. But where’s the basket-bearing boy?
[The slave appears with the basket]
Let us now pray to Hestia of the birds,* 1140
and to the Kite that watches o’er the hearth,
to all Olympian birds and birdesses . . .
PISTHETAIROS [to
himself]
O
Hawk of Sunium, all hail to you,
Lord of the Sea . . .
PRIEST
And to the Pythian Swan of Delos—
let’s pray to Leto, mother of the quail
[870]
to Artemis the Goldfinch . . .
PISTHETAIROS
Ha! No more goddess
of Colaenis
now, but goldfinch Artemis . . .
PRIEST
.
. . to Sabazdios, Phrygian frigate bird,
to the great ostrich mother of
the gods 1150
and of all men . . .
PISTHETAIROS
. . . to Cybele, our ostrich queen,
mother of Cleocritos* . . .
PRIEST
. . . may they give
to all Cloudcuckooites
security,
good health, as well—and to
the Chians, too.*
PISTHETAIROS
I
do like that—the way those Chians [880]
always
get tacked on everywhere—
PRIEST
.
. . to Hero birds, and to their chicks,
to
Porphyrions and Pelicans,
both
white and grey, to Raptor-birds and Pheasants,
Peacocks
and Warblers . . .
[The Priest starts to get carried away]
&nbs
p; .
. . Ospreys and Teals
Herons
and Gannets, Terns, small Tits, big Tits, and . . . 1160
PISTHETAIROS [interrupting]
Hold
on, dammit—stop calling all these birds.
You
idiot! In what sort of sacrifice [890]
does
one call for ospreys and for vultures?
Don’t
you see—one kite could snatch this goat,
then
carry it away? Get out of here,
you
and your garlands, too. I’ll do it myself—
I’ll
offer up this beast all on my own.
[Pisthetairos pushes the Priest away. Exit Priest]
CHORUS
Now
once again I have to sing
a song to purify you all,
a holy sacred melody. 1170
The Blessed Ones I have to call—
but if you’re in a mood to eat
we just need one and not a score
for here our sacrificial meat [900]
is horns and hair, and nothing more.
PISTHETAIROS
Let
us pray while we make sacrifice
to our feathery gods . . . [raises
his eyes to sky and shuts his eyes]
[A poet suddenly bursts on the scene reciting his
verses as he enters]
POET [reciting]
O
Muse, in your songs sing the renown
of Cloudcuckooland—this
happy town . . .
PISTHETAIROS
Where’d this thing come from?
Tell me—who are you? 1180
POET
Me? I’m a sweet tongued warbler of the words—
a nimble servant of the Muse,
as Homer says. [910]
PISTHETAIROS
You’re
a slave and wear your hair that long?
POET
No,
but all poets of dramatic songs
are nimble servants of the
Muse, as Homer says.
PISTHETAIROS
No
doubt that’s why your nimble cloak’s so thin.
But, oh poet, why has thou
come hither?
POET
I’ve
been making up all sorts of splendid songs
to celebrate your fine Cloudcuckoolands—
dithyrambs and virgin songs
and other tunes 1190
after the style of that Simonides.*
PISTHETAIROS
When
did you compose these tunes? Some time ago?
[920]
POET
O
long long ago—yes, I’ve been singing
the glory of this town for
years.
PISTHETAIROS
Look here—
I’ve just been making
sacrifice today—
the day our city gets its
name. What’s more,
it’s only now, as with a
new-born child,
I’ve given it that name.
POET
Ah
yes, but Muses’ words are swift indeed—
like twinkling hooves on rapid
steeds.
So thou, oh father, first of
Aetna’s kings, 1200
whose name means lots of holy things,
present me something from thy
grace
whate’er
you wish, just nod your face.* [930]
PISTHETAIROS
This
fellow here is going to give us trouble—
unless we can escape by giving
something.
[Calling one of the slaves]
You there with the tunic and the jerkin on.
Strip off the leather jerkin.
Give it up
to this master poet. Take this
jerkin.
You look as if you’re really
freezing cold.
POET
The
darling Muse accepts the gift 1210
and not unwillingly—
But now your wit should get a
lift
from Pindar’s words which . .
.
PISTHETAIROS
This
fellow’s never going to go away! [940]
POET [making
up a quotation]
“Out
there amid nomadic Scythians,
he wanders from the host in
all his shame,
he who has no woven garment shuttle-made—
a jerkin on, but no tunic to
his name.”
I speak so you can understand.
PISTHETAIROS
Yes,
I get it—you want the tunic, too. 1220
[To
the slave] Take it off. We must assist our poets.
Take it and get out.
POET
I’m on my way—
But
as I go I’ll still make songs like these
in honour of your city—
“O thou sitting on a golden
throne, [950]
sing to celebrate that shivering, quivering land.
I walked its snow-swept
fruitful plains . . .”
[At this point Pisthetairos has had enough. He
grabs the poet and throws him into the wings]
POET [as
he exits]
Aaaaiiiii!
PISTHETAIROS [calling
after him]
Well,
by Zeus, at least you’ve now put behind
the cold, since you’ve got
that little tunic on!
God knows, that’s a problem
I’d not thought about— 1230
he learned about our city here so fast.
[resuming the sacrifice] Come,
boy, pick up the holy water
and walk around again. Let
everyone
observe a sacred holy silence
now . . .
[Enter an Oracle Monger, quickly interrupting the
ceremony. He is carrying a scroll]
ORACLE MONGER
Don’t
sacrifice that goat!
PISTHETAIROS
What? Who are you?
ORACLE MONGER
Who
am I? I’m an oracular interpreter.
PISTHETAIROS
To
hell with you! [960]
ORACLE MONGER
Now, now, my dear good man,
don’t disparage things divine.
You should know
there’s an oracle of Bacis which speaks
of your Cloudcuckooland—it’s
pertinent. 1240
PISTHETAIROS
Then
how come you didn’t talk to me
about this prophecy some time
before
I set my city here?
ORACLE MONGER
I could not do that—
powers divine held me in
check.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, I guess
there’s nothing wrong in
listening to it now.
ORACLE MONGER [unrolling
the scroll and reading from it]
“Once grey crows and wolves
shall live together
in that space between Corinth
and Sicyon . . .”
PISTHETAIROS
What
my connection to Corinthians?
ORACLE MONGER
Its
Bacis’ cryptic way of saying “air.” [970]
“First sacrifice to Pandora a white-fleeced ram.
1250
Whoever first comes to prophesy my words,
let him receive a brand new
cloak and sandals.”
PISTHETAIROS
Are
sandals in there, too?
ORACLE MONGER [showing
the scroll]
Consult the book.
“Give him the bowl, fill his hands full with offal . . .”
PISTHETAIROS
The
entrails? Does it says
that in there?
ORACLE MONGER
Consult
the book. “Inspired youth,
if thou dost complete what
here I do command,
thou shalt
become an eagle in the clouds—if not,
if thou will not give them me,
you’ll ne’er become 1260
an eagle, or a turtle dove, or woodpecker.”
PISTHETAIROS
That’s
all in there, as well?
ORACLE MONGER
Consult the book. [980]
PISTHETAIROS [pulling
out a sheet of paper from under his tunic]
Your
oracle is not at all like this one—
Apollo’s very words. I them
wrote down.
“When an impostor comes
without an invitation—
a cheating rogue—and pesters
men at sacrifice,
so keen is he to taste the
inner parts, well then,
he must be beaten hard between
the ribs . . .”
ORACLE MONGER
I
don’t think you’re reading that.
PISTHETAIROS
Consult the book.
“Do not spare him, even if
he’s way up there, 1270
an eagle in the clouds, or if he’s Lampon
or great Diopeithes
in the flesh.”*
ORACLE MONGER
That’s
not in there, is it?
PISTHETAIROS
Consult the book.
Now, get out! To hell with you . . .
{Pisthetairos beats the Oracle Monger off stage,
hitting him with the scroll]
ORACLE MONGER
Ooooh . . . poor me! [Exit] [990]
PISTHETAIROS
Run
off and do your soothsaying somewhere else!
[Enter Meton, carrying
various surveying instruments, and wearing soft leather buskin boots]*
METON
I
have come here among you all . . .
PISTHETAIROS
Here’s more trouble.
And what have you come here to do? Your scheme—
what’s it look like? What do
you have in mind?
Why hike up here in buskin?
METON
I intend
to measure out the air for
you—dividing it 1280
in
surveyed lots.
PISTHETAIROS
For
heaven’s sake,
who
are you?
METON [shocked]
Who am I? I’m Meton—
famous throughout Greece and
Colonus.*
PISTHETAIROS
What
are these things you’ve got?
METON
Rods
to measure air.
You see, the air is, in its
totality, [1000]
shaped like a domed pot cover . . . Thus . . . and so,
from up above I’ll lay my
ruler . . . it bends . . . thus . . .
set my compass inside there .
. . You see?
PISTHETAIROS
I
don’t get it.
METON
With this straight ruler here
I measure this, so that your
circle here 1290
becomes a square—and right in the middle there
we have a market place, with
straight highways
proceeding to the centre, like
a star,
which, although circular,
shines forth straight beams
in all directions . . . Thus .
. .
PISTHETAIROS
This man’s a Thales*
Now, Meton
. . .
METON
What?
PISTHETAIROS
You know I love you— [1010]
so do as I say and head out of town.
METON
Am
I in peril?
PISTHETAIROS
It’s like in Sparta—
they’re kicking strangers
out—lots of trouble—
plenty of beatings on the way
through town. 1300
METON
You
mean a revolution?
PISTHETAIROS
God no, not that.
METON
Then
what?
PISTHETAIROS
They’ve reached a firm decision—
it was unanimous—to punch out
every quack.
METON
I
think I’d best be off.
PISTHETAIROS
You should, by god,
although you may not be in
time—the blows
are coming thick and fast . .
.
[Pisthetairos starts hitting Meton]
METON [running
off]
O dear me . . . I’m in a pickle.
[Exit Meton. Pisthetairos yells after him]
PISTHETAIROS
Didn’t
I say that some time ago?
Go somewhere else and do your
measuring! [1020]
[Enter an Athenian Commissioner. He is carrying
voting urns. He is dressed in an extravagantly official costume]*
COMMISSIONER
Where
are your honorary governors?
PISTHETAIROS
Who
is this man—a Sardanapallos?* 1310
COMMISSIONER
I
have come here to Cloudcuckooland
as your Commissioner—I was
picked by lot.
PISTHETAIROS
As
Commissioner? Who sent you here?
COMMISSIONER
Some
dreadful paper from that Teleas.*
PISTHETAIROS
How’d
you like to receive your salary
and leave, without doing
anything?
COMMISSIONER
By god,
that would be nice. I should
be staying at home
for the assembly. I’ve been
doing some work
on Pharnakes’
behalf.*
PISTHETAIROS
Then take your fee
and go. Here’s what you get .
. . [strikes him]
COMMISSIONER
What was that? 1320
PISTHETAIROS
A
motion on behalf of Pharnakes. [1030]
[Pisthetairos strikes him again]
COMMISSIONER
I
call on witnesses—he’s hitting me—
He can’t do that—I’m a
Commissioner!
[Exit the Commissioner, on the run. Pisthetairos chases him]
PISTHETAIROS
Piss
off! And take your voting urns with you!
Don’t you find it weird?
Already they’ve sent out
Commissioners to oversee the
city,
before we’ve made the gods a
sacrifice.
[Enter a Statute-Seller reading from a long scroll]
STATUTE SELLER
“If
a resident of Cloudcuckooland
should wrong a citizen of
Athens . . .”
PISTHETAIROS
Here
come scrolls again—what’s the trouble now? 1330
STATUE SELLER
I’m
a statute seller—and I’ve come here
to sell you brand-new laws.
PISTHETAIROS
What laws?
STATUTE SELLER
Like this—
“Residents of Cloudcuckooland must use
[1040]
the same weights and measures and currency
as those in Olophyxia.”*
PISTHETAIROS [kicking him in the bum]
Soon enough
you’ll use them on your ass,
you Fix-your-Holean!!
STATUTE SELLER
What’s
up with you?
PISTHETAIROS
Take your laws and shove off!
Today I’ll give you laws you
really feel!
[Statute Seller runs off. The Commissioner enters from
the other side, behind Pisthetairos]
COMMISSIONER [reading
from a paper]
“I summon Pisthetairos to
appear in court
in April on a charge of
official outrage . . .” 1340
PISTHETAIROS [turning]
Really?
You again! Why are you still here?
[Pisthetairos chases the Commissioner off again.
The Statute Seller then re-appears on the other side,
also reading from a paper]
STATUTE SELLER
“If
anyone chases off court officers
and won’t receive them as the law
decrees . . .” [1050]
PISTHETAIROS [turning]
This
is getting really bad—you still here?
[Pisthetairos chases off the Statute Seller. The
Commissioner re-appears on the other side of the stage]
COMMISSIONER
I’ll
ruin you! I’ll take you to court—
ten thousand drachmas you’ll .
. .
PISTHETAIROS: [turning
and chasing the Commissioner off stage]
And
I’ll throw out those voting urns of yours!
STATUTE SELLER [reappearing]
Have
you any memory of those evenings
when you used to shit on public pillars
where our laws are carved? 1350
[The Statute Seller turns his back on Pisthetairos,
lifts up his tunic, and farts at him]
PISTHETAIROS [reacting
to the smell]
Oh god! Someone grab him.
[The slaves try to catch the Statute Seller but he
runs off. Pisthetairos calls after him]
Not going to stick around?
[to slaves] Let’s
get out of here—and fast. Go inside.
We’ll sacrifice the goat to the gods in there.
[Pisthetairos and the slaves to inside the house]
CHORUS
All
mortal men commencing on this day
at every shrine will sacrifice
to me,
from now on offering me the
prayers they say, [1060]
for I control them all and everything I see.
I watch the entire world, and
I protect
the growing crops, for I have
power to kill
the progeny of all the world’s
insects, 1360
whose all-devouring jaws would eat their fill
of what bursts out from seeds
on ground below,
or fruit above for
those who lodge in trees.
I kill the ones who, as the
greatest foe,
in sweet-smelling gardens
cause great injuries
All
living beasts that bite and crawl
are killed—my wings destroy
them all. [1070]
CHORUS LEADER
This
public notice has been proclaimed today:
the man who kills Diagoras the Melian
will receive one talent—and if
one of you 1370
assassinates some tyrant long since dead and gone,
he, too, will get one talent.
So now, the birds, as well,
wish to make the same
announcement here. Anyone
who kills Philocrates
the Sparrowman will get
one talent—and if he brings
him in alive,
he’ll get four.* That man strings finches up together,
then
sells ‘em—a single obol
gets you seven.
He injures thrushes by
inflating them with air [1080]
then puts them on display. And he stuff feathers
up the blackbird’s nose. He
captures pigeons, too, 1380
keeps them locked up, and forces them to work for him,
tied up as decoy birds,
underneath his nets.
We wish to make this known to
you. If anyone
is keeping birds in cages in
your courtyards,
we tell you, “Let them go.” If
you don’t obey,
you, in your turn, will be
arrested by the birds,
tied up and forced to work as
decoys where we live.
CHORUS
O
happy tribes
of feathered birds—
we never need 1390
a winter cloak. [1090]
In summer days
the sun’s far rays
don’t injure us.
I live at ease
among the leaves
in flowery fields.
In love with sun
cicadas sing
through noonday heat 1400
their sharp-toned song
divinely sweet.
In winter caves
and hollow spots
I play all day
with mountain nymphs.
In spring we eat
white myrtle buds,
our virgin treat,
in garden places 1410
of the Graces. [1100]
CHORUS LEADER
We
want to speak to all the judges here
about our victory—the splendid
things
we’ll give them if their
verdict goes our way—
how they’ll get much lovelier
gifts than those
which Alexander got.* And
first of all,
what every judge is really
keen to have,
some owls of Laureium who’ll never leave.*
They’ll nest inside your
homes, hatch in your purse,
and always breed small silver
change. And then, 1420
as well as this, you’ll live in temple-homes.
The birds will make your roof
tops eagle-style, [1110]
with pediments.* If you hold some office,
a minor post, and wish to get
rich quick,
we’ll set a sharp-beaked
falcon in your hands.
And if you need to eat, then we’ll
dispatch
a bird’s crop, where it keep its stored-up food.
If you don’t vote for us, you
should prepare
some little metal plates to
guard your head.
You’ll need to wear them, just
like statues do. 1430
For those of you without that head plate
on,
when you dress up in fine
white brand-new clothes,
the birds will crap on as a
punishment.
[Enter Pisthetairos from the house]
PISTHETAIROS
You
birds, we’ve made a splendid sacrifice.
But why is there still no
messenger
arriving from the walls to
bring us news [1120]
of what’s going on up there? Ah, here comes one,
panting as if he’d run across
that stream
at Elis where Olympian athletes
race.
[Enter First Messenger, out of breath]
FIRST MESSENGER [he
doubles up and can hardly speak]
Where is . . . Where is he . .
. where . . . where is . . . 1440
where . . . where . . . where . . . our governor Pisthetairos?
PISTHETAIROS
I’m
here.
FIRST MESSENGER
The building of your wall . . . it’s done.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s
great news.
FIRST MESSENGER
The result—the best there is . . .
the most magnificent . . . so
wide across . . .
that Proxenides
of Braggadocio
and Theogenes
could drive two chariots
in opposite directions past
each other
along the top, with giant
horses yoked,
bigger than that wooden horse
at Troy.
PISTHETAIROS [genuinely
surprised]
By
Hercules!
FIRST MESSENGER
I measured it myself— 1450
[1130]
its height—around six hundred feet.
PISTHETAIROS
Wow!
By Poseidon, that’s some
height! Who built the wall
as high as that?
FIRST MESSENGER
The birds—nobody else.
No Egyptian bore the bricks—no
mason,
no carpenter was there. They
worked by hand—
I was amazed. Thirty thousand
cranes flew in
from Lybia—they
brought foundation stones
they’d swallowed down. The
corn crakes chipped away
to form the proper shapes. Ten
thousand storks
brought bricks. Lapwings and
other river birds 1460
fetched water up into the air from down below.
[1140]
PISTHETAIROS
Who
hauled the mortar up there for them?
FIRST MESSENGER
Herons—
they carried hods.
PISTHETAIROS
How’d they load those hods?
FIRST MESSENGER
My
dear man, that was the cleverest thing of all.
Geese shoved their feet into
the muck and slid them,
just like shovels, then
flicked it in the hods.
PISTHETAIROS
Is
there anything we can’t do with our feet?
FIRST MESSENGER: Then, by god, the ducks, with
slings attached
around their waists, set up
the bricks. Behind them
flew the swallows, like young
apprentice boys, 1470 [1150]
with trowels—they carried mortar in their mouths.
PISTHETAIROS
Why
should we hire wage labour any more?
Go on—who finished off the
woodwork on the wall?
FIRST MESSENGER
The
most skilled craftsmen-birds of all of ‘em—
woodpeckers. They pecked away
to make the gates—
the noise those peckers
made—an arsenal!
Now the whole thing has gates.
They’re bolted shut
and guarded on all sides.
Sentries make rounds,
patrolling with their bells,
and everywhere [1160]
troops are in position, with signal fires 1480
on every tower. But I must go now—
I need to wash. You’ll have to
do the rest.
[Exit First Messenger]
CHORUS LEADER
What’s
up with you? Aren’t you astonished
to hear the wall’s been
finished up so fast?
PISTHETAIROS
Yes,
by gods, I am. It is amazing!
To me it sounds just like some
made-up lie.
But here comes a guard from
there—he’ll bring news
to us down here of what’s
going on up top.
He face
looks like a dancing warrior’s.
[Enter the Second Messenger in a great panic and
out of breath]
SECOND MESSENGER
Hey
. . . hey . . . Help . . . hey you . . . help!
1490 [1170]
PISTHETAIROS
What’s
going on?
SECOND MESSENGER
We suffered something really bad . . .
one of the gods from Zeus has
just got through,
flown past the gates into the
air, slipping by
the jackdaw sentinels on
daytime watch.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s
bad! A bold and dangerous action.
Which god was it?
SECOND MESSENGER
We’re not sure. He had wings—
we do know that.
PISTHETAIROS
You should have sent patrols
of frontier guards out after
him without delay.
SECOND MESSENGER
We
did dispatch the mounted archers—
thirty thousand falcons, all
moving out 1500
[1180]
with talons curved and ready—kestrels, buzzards,
vultures, eagles, owls—the air
vibrating
with the beat and rustle of
their wings,
as they search out that god.
He’s not far off—
in fact, he’s here somewhere
already.
[Exit Second Messenger]
PISTHETAIROS
We’ll
have to get our sling-shots out—and bows.
All you orderlies come here!
Fire away!
Strike out! Someone fetch a
sling for me!
[Xanthias and Manodorus enter with slings and bows. The group huddles
together with weapons ready]
CHORUS [in
grand epic style]
And now the combat starts, a
strife beyond all words,
me and the gods at war. Let
everyone beware, 1510 [1190]
protect the cloud-enclosing air, which Erebus
gave birth to long ago. Make
sure no god slips through
without our catching sight of
him. Maintain your watch
on every side—already I can
hear close by
the sound of beating wings
from some god in the sky.
[Enter Iris, in long billowing dress and with a
pair of wings. She descends from above, suspended by
a cable and hovering in mid-air flapping her wings]
PISTHETAIROS
Hey,
you—just where do you think you’re flying?
Keep still. Stay where you
are. Don’t move. Stop running. [1200]
Who are you? Where you from? You’ve got to tell me.
Where’d you come from?
IRIS
I’m from the Olympian gods.
PISTHETAIROS
You
got a name? You look like a ship up there— 1520
the Salaminia or the Paralos.*
IRIS
I’m fast Iris.
PISTHETAIROS
Fast
as in a boat or fast as in a bitch?
IRIS
What
is all this?
PISTHETAIROS
Is there a buzzard here
who’ll fly up there to arrest
this woman?
IRIS
Arrest
me? Why are you saying such rubbish?
PISTHETAIROS [making
at attempt to hit Iris by swinging his sling]
You’re going to be very sorry about this.
IRIS
This
whole affair is most unusual.
PISTHETAIROS
Listen,
you silly old fool, what gates
did you pass through to get by
the wall?
IRIS
What
gates?
By god, I don’t have the least
idea. 1530 [1210]
PISTHETAIROS
Listen
to her—how she feigns ignorance!
Did you go past the jackdaw
generals?
You won’t answer that? Well
then, where’s your pass,
the one the storks give out?
IRIS
What’s wrong with you?
PISTHETAIROS
You
don’t have one, do you?
IRIS
Have you lost your wits?
PISTHETAIROS
Didn’t
some captain of the birds up there
stick a pass on you?
IRIS
By god no, no one up there
made a pass or shoved his
stick at me, you wretch.
PISTHETAIROS
So
you just fly in here, without a word,
going through empty space and
through a city 1540
which don’t belong to you?
IRIS
What other route
are gods supposed to fly?
PISTHETAIROS
I’ve no idea.
But, by god,
not this way. It’s not legal.
[1220]
Right now you’re in breach of law. Do you know,
of all the Irises there are
around,
if you got what you most
deserve, you’d be
the one most justly seized and
sent to die.
IRIS
But
I’m immortal.
PISTHETAIROS
In spite of that,
you would have died. For it’s
obvious to me
that we’d be suffering the
greatest injury, 1550
if, while we rule all other things, you gods
do just what you like and
won’t recognize
how you must, in your turn,
attend upon
those more powerful than you.
So tell me,
where are you sailing on those
wings of yours?
IRIS
Me? I’m flying to men from father Zeus, [1230]
instructing them to sacrifice some sheep
to the Olympian gods on sacred
hearths—
and fill their streets with
smells of offerings.
PISTHETAIROS
Who
are you talking about? Which gods?
1560
IRIS
Which
gods? Why us of course—the gods in heaven.
PISTHETAIROS
And
you’re the gods?
IRIS
Are there any other deities?
PISTHETAIROS
The
birds are now men’s gods—and to the birds
men must now sacrifice and
not, by god, to Zeus.
IRIS [in
the grand tragic style]
Thou fool, thou fool, stir not the awesome minds of gods,
lest Justice with the mighty
mattock of great Zeus [1240]
destroy your race completely—and smoke-filled flames
from Licymnian
lightning bolts burn into ash
your body and your home . . .
PISTHETAIROS [interrupting]
Listen, woman—stop your spluttering.
Just keep still. Do you think
you’re scaring off 1570
some Lydian or Phrygian with such threats?
You should know this—if Zeus
keeps on annoying me,
I’ll burn his home and halls
of Amphion,
reduce them all to ash with
fire eagles.
I’ll send more than six
hundred birds—porphyrions
all dressed in leopard skins,
up there to heaven, [1250]
to war on him. Once a single porphyrion
caused him distress enough.* And as for you,
if you keep trying to piss me
off, well then,
I’ll deal with Zeus’ servant
Iris first— 1580
I’ll fuck your knickers off—you’d be surprised
how hard an old man’s prick
like mine can be—
it’s strong enough to ram your
hull three times.
IRIS
Blast
you, you wretch, and your obscenities!
PISTHETAIROS
Go
way! Get a move on! Shoo!
[Iris begins to move up and away]
IRIS
My father
won’t stand for insolence like
this—he’ll stop you!
PISTHETAIROS
Just
go away, you silly fool! Fly off [1210]
and burn someone to ashes somewhere else.
[Exit Iris]
CHORUS
On
Zeus’ family of gods we’ve shut our door—
they’ll not be passing through
my city any more. 1590
Nor will men down below in future time invoke
the gods by sending them their
sacrificial smoke.
PISTHETAIROS
Something’s
wrong. That messenger we sent,
the one that went to human
beings, what if
he never gets back here again? [1270]
[Enter First Herald, a bird, carrying a golden
crown]
FIRST HERALD
O
Pisthetairos, you blessed one,
wisest and most celebrated of
all men . . .
the cleverest and happiest . .
. trebly blest . . .
[He’s
run out of adjectives] . . . Speak something to me . . .
PISTHETAIROS
What are you saying?
FIRST HERALD [offering
Pisthetairos the golden crown]
All people, in honour of your wisdom, 1600
crown you with this golden diadem.
PISTHETAIROS [putting
on the crown]
I accept.
But why do people honour me so
much?
FIRST HERALD
O
you founder of this most famous town,
this city in the sky, do you
not know
how much respect you have
among all men,
how many men there are who
love this place?
Before you built your city in
the air, [1280]
all men were mad for Sparta—with long hair,
they went around half starved
and never washed,
like Socrates—and carrying
knobbed sticks. 1610
But now they’ve all completely changed—these days
they’re crazy for the birds.
For sheer delight
they imitate the birds in
everything.
Early in the day when they’ve
just got up,
like us, they all flock to
feed together,
but on their laws, browsing
legal leaflets,
nibbling their fill of all
decrees. So mad
have they become for birds
that many men [1290]
have had the names of birds assigned to them.
One lame tradesman now is
called the Partridge. 1620
And Melanippus’ name is changed to Swallow,*
Opuntius
the Raven with One Eye.
Philocles
becomes the Lark, and Sheldrake
is now Teagenes’
name. Lycurgus
has become the Ibis, Chaerephon the Bat,
Syracosius
the Jay, and Meidias
is now named the Quail—he
looks like one
right
after the quail flicker’s tapped its head.*
They’re
so in love with birds they all sing songs
[1300]
with
lines about a swallow or a duck, 1630
or
goose, some kind of pigeon, or just wings,
even
about some tiny bits of feather.
That
what’s going on down there. I tell you,
more
than ten thousand men are coming here,
demanding
wings and talons in their lives.
You’ve
got to find a way to get some wings
for
your new colonists and settlers.
[Exit First Herald]
PISTHETAIROS
All
right, by god, this is no time for us
to
just stand around. [To a slave] You,
get inside there—
fill
all the crates and baskets up with feathers.
1640 [1310]
Get
on with it as fast as possible.
Let
Manes haul the wings out here to me.*
I’ll
welcome those who come from down below.
[Xanthias and Manodoros go inside the house and start bringing out
baskets of feathers]
CHORUS
Our
city soon will have a reputation
for
a large and swelling population.
PISTHETAIROS
Just
let our luck hold out!
CHORUS
Our
city here inspires so much love . . .
PISTHETAIROS [to
Manodoros, who is bringing out a basket]
I’m
telling you you’ve got to bring it fast!
CHORUS
For
what do we not have here up above
which
any men require in their places? 1650
Desire,
Wisdom, and eternal Graces—
we’ve
got them all and what is still the best—
the
happy face of gentle peaceful Rest.
PISTHETAIROS [to
Manes who is taking his time bringing out more baskets]
God,
you’re a lazy slave—move it! Faster!
CHORUS
Let
him bring the wings in baskets on the go—
then
once more run at him—give him a blow.
The
lad is like a donkey—he’s that slow.
PISTHETAIROS [frantically
sorting feathers]
Yes,
that Manes is a useless slave.
CHORUS
Now
first of all you need to sort [1330]
these
wings all out for each cohort— 1660
musical
wings and wings of seers,
wings
for the sea. You must be clear—
you
need to look at all such things
when
you give every man his wings.
[Manes comes out with a basket, again moving very
slowly]
PISTHETAIROS [going
at Manes and grabbling him]
By
the kestrels, I can’t stop grabbing you—
when
I see how miserably slow you are.
[Manes twists loose and runs back into the house. A
young man enters singing]
YOUNG MAN [singing]
Oh,
I wish I could an eagle be
soaring
high above the barren sea,
the
grey-blue ocean swell so free.
PISTHETAIROS
It
looks like our messenger told us the truth— 1670
here
comes someone singing that eagle-song.
YOUNG MAN
Damn
it—there’s nothing in the world as sweet
as
flying . . .
<PISTHETAIROS
You’ve
come to get some wings from us, I guess.*>
YOUNG MAN
Yes,
I’m in love with all your birdy ways—
I
want to live with you and fly. Besides,
I
think your laws are really keen.
PISTHETAIROS
What
laws? The birds have many laws.
YOUNG MAN
All
of them—but I really like that one
which
says it’s all right for a younger bird
to
beat up his old man and strangle him. 1680
PISTHETAIROS
Yes,
by god, we think it very manly
when
a bird, while still a chick, beats up his dad.
[1350]
YOUNG MAN
That’s
why I want to re-locate up here—
I’d
love to choke my father, get all his stuff.
PISTHETAIROS
But
there’s an ancient law among the birds—
inscribed
in stone on tablets of the storks,
“When
father stork has raised up all his young,
when
they are set to fly out of the nest,
then
young storks must, in their turn, care for him.”
YOUNG MAN
So
coming here has been no use, by god,
1690
if
I’ve now got to feed my father, too.
PISTHETAIROS
No,
no. My dear young man, since you came here [1360]
in
all good faith, I’ll fix you up with wings
just
like an orphan bird.* And I’ll give you
some
fresh advice—something I learned myself
when
I was just a lad. Don’t thump your dad.
[Pisthetairos starts dressing the boy as a bird as
he says the following lines]
Take
this wing here, and in your other hand
hold
this spur tight. Think of this crest on top
as
from a fighting cock. Then stand your guard,
go
on a march, live on a soldier’s pay— 1700
and
let your father live. You like to fight,
so
fly away to territories in Thrace,
and
do your fighting there.
YOUNG MAN
By
Dionysus,
I
think the advice you give is good.
[1370]
I’ll
do just what you say.
PISTHETAIROS
And
now, by Zeus,
you’re
talking sense.
[Exit Young Man. Enter Cinesias,
singing and dancing very badly]*
CINESIAS [singing]
To Olympus on high
with
my wings I will fly—
On
this song’s path I’ll soar
and
then sing a few more . . . 1710
PISTHETAIROS
This
creature needs a whole pile of wings!
CINESIAS [singing]
For
my body and mind
know
not fear, so I’ll find . . .
PISTHETAIROS
Cinesias,
welcome. Let me now greet
a
man as thin as bark on linden trees!
Why
have you come whirling here on such lame feet?
CINESIAS
A bird—that’s what I long to be, [1380]
a
clear-voice nightingale—that’s me.
PISTHETAIROS
Stop
singing—just tell me what you want to say.
CINESIAS
I
want you to give me wings then float up,
1720
flying
high into the clouds where I can pluck
wind-whirling
preludes swept with snow.
PISTHETAIROS
You
want to get your preludes from the clouds?
CINESIAS
But
all our skill depends upon the clouds.
Our
brilliant dithyrambs are made of air—
of
mist and gleaming murk and wispy wings.
You’ll
soon see that—once you’ve heard a few.
[1390]
PISTHETAIROS
No,
no—I won’t.
CINESIAS
Yes,
by Hercules, you will.
For you I’ll run through all the airs . . . [starts
singing]
O
you images of birds, 1730
who
extend your wings,
who
tread upon the air,
you
long-necked birds . . .
PISTHETAIROS [trying to interrupt]
All
right. Enough!
CINESIAS [ignoring
Pisthetairos, continuing to sing another song]
Soaring
upward as I roam.
I
wander floating on the breeze . . .
PISTHETAIROS [looking
in one of the baskets of wings]
By
heaven, I’ll stop these blasting winds of yours!
[Pisthetairos takes a pair of wings and starts
poking Cinesias around the stage with them, tickling
him]
CINESIAS [dodging
away from Pisthetairos, giggling, and continuing to sing]
First
I head along the highway going down south,
but
then my body turns towards the windy north,
as
I slice airy furrows where no harbour lies . . .
1740
[1400]
[Cinesias has to stop
singing because Pisthetairos is tickling him too much with the wings.
He stops running off and singing. He’s somewhat out of breath]
Old man, that’s a clever trick—pleasant, too—
but really clever.
PISTHETAIROS
You mean you don’t enjoy
being whisked with wings?
CINESIAS
Is that the way you treat
the man who trains the cyclic
choruses—
the one whom tribes of men
still fight to have?*
PISTHETAIROS
Would
you like to stick around this place
to train a chorus here for Leotrophides,*
made up of flying birds—the
swallow tribe?
CINESIAS
You’re
making fun of me—that’s obvious.
But I won’t stop here until I
get some wings 1750
and I can run through all the airs.
[Exit Cinesias. Enter a Sycophant, singing to himself]
SYCOPHANT [singing]
Who are these birds with mottled wing? [1410]
They don’t appear to own a thing—
O dappled swallow with
extended wing . . .
PISTHETAIROS
This
is no minor problem we’ve stirred up—
here comes one more person
singing to himself.
SYCOPHANT [singing]
O
long and dappled wings, I call once more . . .
PISTHETAIROS
It
seems to me his song’s about his cloak—
he needs a lot of swallows to
bring in the spring.*
SYCOPHANT
Where’s
the man who’s handing out the wings 1760
to all who travel here?
PISTHETAIROS
He’s standing here.
But you should tell me what
you need.
SYCOPHANT
Wings, wings.
I need wings. Don’t ask me
that again. [1420]
PISTHETAIROS
Do
you intend to fly off right away,
heading for Pellene?
SYCOPHANT
No, not at all.
I’m a summons server for the
islands—
an informer, too . . .
PISTHETAIROS
You’re a lucky man
to have such a fine
profession.
SYCOPHANT
. . . and I hunt around
to dig up law suits. That’s
why I need wings,
to roam around delivering
summonses 1770
in allied states.
PISTHETAIROS
If you’re equipped with wings,
will that make you more
skilled in serving men?
SYCOPHANT
No. But I’d escape being hurt by pirates.
And then I could return home
with the cranes,
once I’ve swallowed many law
suits down
to serve as ballast.*
PISTHETAIROS
Is that what you do for work? [1430]
Tell me this—you’re a strong young lad and yet
don’t you slander strangers
for a living?
SYCOPHANT
What
can I do? I never learned to dig.
PISTHETAIROS
But,
by god, there are other decent jobs,
1780
where a young man like you can earn his way,
more honest trades than
launching still more law suits.
SYCOPHANT
My
good man, don’t keep lecturing me like this.
Give me some wings.
PISTHETAIROS
I’m giving you some wings—
I’m doing it as I talk to you
right now.
SYCOPHANT
How
can you put wings on men with words?
PISTHETAIROS
With
words all men can give themselves their wings.
SYCOPHANT
All
men?
PISTHETAIROS
Have you never heard in barber shops
how fathers always talk of
their young sons— [1440]
“It’s dreadful the way that Diitrephes’ speech 1790
has given my young lad ambitious wings,
so now he wants to race his
chariot.”
Another says “That boy of mine
has wings
and flutters over tragedies.”
SYCOPHANT
So with words
they’re really given wings?
PISTHETAIROS
That what I said.
With words our minds are
raised—a man can soar.
That’s how I want to give you
wings—with words,
with useful words, so you can
change your life
and get a lawful occupation.
SYCOPHANT
But I don’t want to. [1450]
PISTHETAIROS
What
will you do?
SYCOPHANT
I’ll not disgrace my folks. 1800
Informing—that’s my family’s profession.
So give me now some light,
fast falcon’s wings—
or kestrel’s—then I can serve
my papers
on those foreigners, lay the
charges here,
and fly back there again.
PISTHETAIROS
Ah, I get it—
what you’re saying is that the
case is judged
before the stranger gets here.
SYCOPHANT
That’s right.
You understand exactly what I
do.
PISTHETAIROS
And
then, while he’s travelling here by ship,
you fly out there to seize his
property. 1900
SYCOPHANT
You’ve
said it all. I’ve got to whip around
[1460]
just like a whirling top.
PISTHETAIROS
I understand—
a whirling top. Well, here, by
god, I’ve got
the finest wings. They’re from
Corcyra . . . here!
[Pisthetairos produces a whip from the basket and
begins hitting the Sycophant, who dodges around to evade the blows]
SYCOPHANT
Ouch!
That’s a whip you’ve got!
PISTHETAIROS
No—a pair of wings.
With them I’ll make you spin
around all day!
SYCOPHANT
Ow!
Help! That hurts!
PISTHETAIROS
Wing your way from here!
Get lost—I want rid of you,
you rascal!
I’ll show you legal tricks and
twists—sharp ones, too!
[Pisthetairos beats the Sycophant off stage. Enter Xanthias and Manodorus from the
house]
Let’s
gather up these wings and go inside.
1910
[Pisthetairos and the two slaves carry the baskets
of wings back into the house]
CHORUS:
When
we fly [1470]
we
often spy
strange
amazing spots—
in
those flights
peculiar
sights.
There’s a tree grows far from us
simply called Cleonymos,
a useless tree, without a
heart—
immense, and vile in every
part.
It always blooms in early
spring, 1920
bursting forth with everything
that launches legal
quarrelling.
and
then in winter time it yields [1480]
a shedding foliage of shields.
There’s a land
ringed by the dark,
a gloomy wilderness,
where Heroes meet
and with men eat.
Men live with heroes in that place,
1930
except at dusk—then it’s not safe
for the two of them to meet.
Men who in the night time
greet [1490]
the great Orestes are stripped bare
he strikes at them and leaves
them there.
And so without their clothes
they bide—
paralysed on their right side.*
[Enter Prometheus, muffling his face in a long
scarf and holding an unopened umbrella]
PROMETHEUS
Oh,
dear, dear, dear. I pray Zeus doesn’t see me.
Where’s Pisthetairos?
[Pisthetairos enters from the house carrying a
chamber pot. He is surprised to see the new arrival]
PISTHETAIROS
Who’s this? Why so muffled?
PROMETHEUS
Do
you see any god who’s trailed me here?
1940
PISTHETAIROS
No,
by Zeus, I don’t. But who are you?
PROMETHEUS
What
time of day is it?
PISTHETAIROS
What time of day?
A little
after noon. But who are you?
PROMETHEUS
Quitting
time or later? [1500]
PISTHETAIROS
You’re pissing me off . . .
PROMETHEUS
What’s
Zeus up to? What about the clouds—
is he scattering ‘em—or bringing ‘em together?
PISTHETAIROS
You’re
a total fool!
PROMETHEUS
All right—then I’ll unwrap.
[Prometheus takes off the muffler concealing his
face]
PISTHETAIROS
Prometheus,
my friend!
PROMETHEUS
Hey, quiet. Don’t shout.
PISTHETAIROS
What’s
the matter?
PROMETHEUS
Shhh . . . don’t shout my name.
I’m done for if Zeus can see
I’m here. 1950
But I’ll tell you what’s going on up there,
if you take this umbrella.
Hold it up,
above our heads—that way no
god can see.
PISTHETAIROS
Ah
ha! Now that’s a smart precaution—
[1510]
that’s forethought, just like Prometheus!
Come under here—make it
fast—all right, now,
you can talk without a worry.
[Pisthetairos and Prometheus huddle together under
the umbrella]
PROMETHEUS
Then listen.
PISTHETAIROS
I’m
listening—speak up.
PROMETHEUS
Zeus is done for.
PISTHETAIROS
And
when was he done in?
PROMETHEUS
It happened
once you colonized the air.
From that point on, 1960
no human being has made a sacrifice
to any god, not once—and since
that time
no savoury smells from
roasting thigh bones
have risen up to us from down
below.
So now, without our offerings,
we must fast,
as if it’s time for
Thesmophoria.*
The barbarian gods are
starving—so now [1520]
they scream out like Illyrians and say
their armies will march down
attacking Zeus,
unless he moves to get the
ports re-opened, 1970
to make sliced entrails once again available.
PISTHETAIROS
You
mean other gods, barbarian ones,
are there above you?
PROMETHEUS
Barbarian
deities? Of course.
That’s where Execestides derives
all his ancestral family gods.
PISTHETAIROS
What’s
the name of these barbarian gods?
PROMETHEUS
The
name? They’re called Triballians.*
PISTHETAIROS
I
see—that must be where we get our phrase
they’ve got me “by the balls.” [1530]
PROMETHEUS
You got that right.
Now let me tell you something
to the point— 1980
ambassadors are coming here to settle this,
from Zeus and those Triballians up there.
But don’t agree to peace
unless great Zeus
gives back his sceptre to the
birds again,
and gives the Princess to you
as your wife.
PISTHETAIROS
Whose
this Princess?
PROMETHEUS
The loveliest of girls—
she’s the one in charge of
Zeus’ thunderbolt
and all his assets—wise advice,
good laws,
sound common sense, dockyards,
slanderous talk— [1540]
his paymistress who hands three obols
out 1990
to jury men . . .
PISTHETAIROS
So in Zeus’ name,
she’s the one in charge of
everything?
PROMETHEUS
That’s right.
If you get her from Zeus,
you’ve got it all.
That’s why I came here to tell
you this.
I’ve always been a friend of
human beings.
PISTHETAIROS
Yes,
of all the gods it’s thanks to you
that we can fry up fish.*
PROMETHEUS
I hate all gods—
but you know that.
PISTHETAIROS
You’ve always hated them.
Heaven knows—it’s something
natural to you.
PROMETHEUS
I’m
Timon through and through.* Time
to get back. 2000
So let me have the parasol. That way,
if Zeus does catch sight of me
from there,
he’ll think I’m following some
basket girl.
PISTHETAIROS
Take
the piss pot, too—then you can act
as if you’re the one who’s
carrying the stool.
[Prometheus leaves with the umbrella and the pot.
Pisthetairos goes back into the house]
CHORUS
By
that tribe of men with such huge feet
they use them for a shade
retreat,
there’s stands a lake where
Socrates,
deceives men’s souls, that
unwashed tease.
Peisander
went there to find out 2010
the spirit his life had been without.
A big young camel he did slay, [1560]
then, like Odysseus, snuck away.
By camel’s blood to that place
drawn,
up pops a Bat—it’s Chaerephon!*
[Enter Poseidon, Hercules, and the Triballian god]
POSEIDON
Here
it is—Cloudcuckooland—in plain view,
city we’ve come to as
ambassadors.
[Poseidon inspects the clothing on the Triballian god]
What are you
doing? Why drape your cloak that way,
from right to left? It’s got
to be re-slung
the other way—like this.
[The Triballian tries to
reshape his cloak but gets in a mess]
You fumbling idiot— 2020
a born Laespodias, that’s what you are!*
O democracy! Where are you
taking us, [1570]
when gods vote in a clumsy oaf like this?
[Poseidon continues to fuss over the Triballian’s appearance]
Keep your hands still! Oh, to hell with you!
You’re the most uncivilized of
all the gods
I’ve ever seen. All right,
Hercules,
what do we do?
HERCULES
You’ve heard what I propose.
I’d like to wring his
neck—whoever he is
who set up this blockade
against the gods.
POSEIDON
But
you forget, my friend, that we’ve been sent 2030
as envoys to
negotiate down here.
HERCULES
That
just makes me want to throttle him
twice as much as I wanted to
before.
[The wall of the house now moves off to reveal
Pisthetairos and the slaves getting dinner ready.
They are preparing birds to cook in the oven]
PISTHETAIROS
The
grater for the cheese—can someone get it?
And bring the silphium. Hand me the cheese.
Now, fire up
the coals. [1580]
POSEIDON
Greetings, mortal.
We three are gods, and we
salute you!
PISTHETAIROS
But
I’m grating silphium right now.
HERCULES
What
kind of meat is this?
PISTHETAIROS
The meat’s from birds—
they’ve been tried and
sentenced for rebellion, 2040
rising up against the fowl democracy.
HERCULES
Is
that why you’re shredding silphium
all over them before doing
something else?
PISTHETAIROS [looking
up and recognizing Hercules]
Well, hello there, Hercules.
What’s up?
POSEIDON
We’ve
come as envoys sent down from the gods
to negotiate the terms for
peace.
PISTHETAIROS [to
one of the slaves]
There’s
no oil left in the jug.
HERCULES
And bird meat
should be glistening with lots
of oil. [1590]
POSEIDON
We
gods get no advantage from this war.
If you and yours were friendly
to the gods, 2050
you’d have water from the rain in all your ponds—
halcyon days would be here all
the time.
We’ve come with total powers
in such things.
PISTHETAIROS
From
the start we didn’t launch a war on you—
and we’re ready to talk peace,
if that’s your wish,
provided you’re prepared to do
what’s right.
And here’s what’s right: Zeus
gives his sceptre back
to us—I mean the birds—once
more. And then,
if we can settle this on these
conditions,
I’ll invite the envoys to have
lunch with me. 2060
HERCULES [salivating
over the prepared bird]
That’s
just fine with me! I vote we say . . .
POSEIDON [interrupting]
What’s
that you fool! Idiotic glutton!
You want give away your
father’s power? [1600]
PISTHETAIROS
Is
that what you think? Look, if birds here
rule everything down there,
won’t you gods above
be even stronger? Now
underneath the clouds
men can bend down and swear
false oaths to you.
But once the birds and you
become allies, [1610]
if any man should swear by Raven and by Zeus
and then perjure himself,
Raven would come by, 2070
swoop down upon the man before he sees him,
peck at his eye and pluck it
out.
POSEIDON
By Poseidon,
what you’re saying makes good
sense!
HERCULES
Sounds good to me.
PISTHETAIROS [to
the Triballian god]
What
do you say?
TRIBALLIAN [speaking
foreign gibberish]
Nab aist roo.
PISTHETAIROS
You
hear what he said? He agrees with you.
Now listen up—here’s yet
another benefit
you’ll get from us. If any man
once vows
to one of the gods he’ll sacrifice
a beast,
then tries to talk his way out
of doing it
by splitting hairs and, acting
on his greed, 2080
holds back his vow, saying “Gods are patient,” [1620]
we’ll make him pay for that as well.
POSEIDON
How?
Tell us how you’d do that.
PISTHETAIROS
Well, at some point,
when that man is counting up
his wealth
or sitting in his bath, some
kite will fly down,
while he’s not paying
attention, grab his cash,
the value of two sheep, and
carry that
up to the god.
HERCULES
He gets my vote again—
I say we give the sceptre back
to them.
POSEIDON
All
right—ask the Triballian. 2090
HERCULES [threateningly]
Hey, you—
Triballian—want
me to smack you round?
TRIBALLIAN [afraid]
Oo
smacka skeen dat steek?
HERCULES
He says it’s fine—
he
agrees with me.
POSEIDON
Well,
if it’s what you want, [1630]
then
it’s all right with me.
HERCULES [to
Pisthetairos]
Hey,
we’re ready to agree to terms
about the sceptre.
PISTHETAIROS
By god, there’s one more thing—
I’ve
just remembered. I’ll let Zeus keep Hera,
but
he must give me that young girl Princess.
She’s
to be my wife.
POSEIDON
Then
you don’t want
a
real negotiation. Come on, let’s go back home.
PISTHETAIROS
That’s
up to you. Hey, cook, watch that gravy.
2100
Make
sure you make it sweet!
HERCULES
Hey,
Poseidon,
my
dear fellow, where you going? Come on,
are
we going to war about a woman?
POSEIDON
What
should we do?
HERCULES
Do?
Settle this matter.
POSEIDON
What?
You fool! Don’t you see what he’s doing,
how
all this time he’s been deceiving you?
You’re
ruining yourself, you know. If Zeus dies,
after
giving all his sovereignty to birds,
you’ll
have nothing. Right now you’re his heir—
you
get whatever’s left when Zeus departs.
2200
PISTHETAIROS [to
Hercules]
Oh
dear, dear—how he’s trying to play with you.
Come
on over here—let me tell you something.
[Pisthetairos and Hercules talk apart from the
others]
You
uncles’s putting one over on you,
you
poor fool—because, according to the law,
you
don’t get the smallest piece of property
from
your father’s goods. You’re illegitimate—
[1650]
you’re
a bastard.
HERCULES
A
bastard? What do you mean?
PISTHETAIROS
I
mean just what I say. Now, your mother—
she
was an alien woman. And Athena—
do
you think a daughter could inherit 2210
if
she’s got legal brothers?
HERCULES [very
puzzled]
But
once he dies,
couldn’t
my dad leave me all his property
as
a bastard’s share?
PISTHETAIROS
The
law won’t let him.
The
first one to claim your father’s property
will
be Poseidon here, who’s raised your hopes.
He’ll
claim he’s your father’s legal brother.
I’ll
read you what Solon’s laws dictate— [1660]
[Pisthetairos pulls a piece of paper out and reads]
“If
there are lawful children, then a bastard
has
no rights as a close blood relative.
If
there are no lawful children, the goods 2220
go
to the nearest next of kin.”
HERCULES
What!
I
don’t get anything from daddy’s stuff?
PISTHETAIROS
Not
a thing, by god. So tell me this—
has your father introduced you
to his kin group yet?*
HERCULES
No,
not me. As a matter of fact,
I’ve been wondering about that
for some time.
PISTHETAIROS
Well,
don’t just stare up there, mouth wide open,
planning an assault. Join up
with us instead.
I’ll make you a king and give
you bird’s milk. 2230
HERCULES
I’ve
always thought you’re right in what you say
about the girl. I’d hand her
over to you.
PISTHETAIROS [to
Poseidon]
What
do you say?
POSEIDON
I vote no.
PISTHETAIROS
So now,
it’s up to the Triballian here. What you say?
TRIBALLIAN
De
geerl geeve over greet souvrin bridies.
HERCULES
There!
He says to hand her over.
POSEIDON
No by god! [1680]
he never said to give her up—no way.
He’s just babbling like a
swallow.
HERCULES
So
he said hand her over to the swallows!
POSEIDON
You
two work it out—agree on peace terms.
2240
Since you’re both for it, I’ll say nothing more.
HERCULES
We
ready now to give you all you ask.
So come along with us in
person—
up to heaven—there you can get
your Princess,
and all those other
things as well.
PISTHETAIROS [pointing
to the cooking he’s been preparing]
So
these birds were slaughtered in good time
before the wedding feast.
HERCULES
If you want to,
I could stay here and roast
the meat. You go. [1690]
POSEIDON
Roast
the meat? You mean you’d wolf it down,
you glutton. Come on with us.
Let’s go. 2250
HERCULES [reluctantly
leaving]
I’d
have enjoyed eating that.
PISTHETAIROS [calling
to his slaves]
Hey, you—
one of you bring me out some
wedding clothes!
CHORUS
In
lands of Litigation there’s a place—
it’s right beside the water
clock—
where that villainous and
thieving race
of tongue-and-belly men all
flock.
They use their tongues to sow
and reap,
to harvest grapes and figs en
masse.
A crude
barbarian tribe, a heap [1700]
of Philipses
and Gorgias.
2260
From these horse-loving sycophants,
who use their tongues to cram
their gut,
through all
of Attica’s expanse
in sacrifice the tongue’s
first cut.*
[Enter Second Herald]
SECOND HERALD
You
here who’ve done fine things, more wonderful
than I can say, you
thrice-blessed race with wings,
you birds, welcome now your
king on his return,
as he comes back among these
wealthy halls.
Here he approaches—you’ll
never see a star
so bright in any gleaming home
of gold. [1710]
No—not even the far-reaching rays of sun
have ever shone
as splendidly as he,
the man who brings with him
his lovely wife,
too beautiful for words, and
brandishing
the winged thunderbolt from
Zeus. Sweet smells
are rising up, high into
heaven’s vault,
a glorious spectacle, and
wisps of smoke
from burning incense are blown
far and wide.
Here he is in person. Let the
sacred Muse
open her lips in a triumphal
holy song. 2280
[Enter Pisthetairos and his bride Princess]
CHORUS
Back
off, break up, make room— [1720]
And wing your way around the man
so blessed with blissful
fortune.
Oh, oh—such beauty and such
youth!
What a blessing for this city
of the birds
is this fine marriage you have
made.
A
great good fortune now attends us,
the race of birds—such mighty
bliss,
thanks to this man. So welcome back
with nuptial chants and
wedding songs 2290
our man himself and his
Princess.
Olympian Hera and great Zeus
who rules the gods on lofty
thrones
the Fates once joined with
wedding songs.
O Hymen, Hymenaeus*
And rich young Eros in his golden wings
held tight the reins as
charioteer
at Zeus’ wedding to the happy
Hera.
O
Hymen, Hymenaeus,
O Hymen, Hymenaeus. 2300
PISTHETAIROS
Your
chants fill me with great delight,
as do you songs. And I just
love your words.
CHORUS
Come
now, celebrate in song
earth-shattering thunder,
Zeus’ lightning fire—
which now belong to him—
that dreaded bolt white
lighting, too.
Oh, that great golden blaze of
lightning,
that immortal fiery spear of
Zeus,
and groaning thunders bringing
rain— [1750]
with you this man now rattles Earth.
2310
And everything that Zeus once had,
he’s got it all—and that
includes
our Princess, who once sat by
Zeus’ throne.
O Hymen, Hymenaeus!
PISTHETAIROS
Now
all you feathered tribes of friends,
come follow me on this my
wedding flight.
Let’s wing our way up there to
Zeus’ house
and to our wedding bed. Reach
out your hand,
my blissful love, and take
hold of my wing— [1760]
then dance with me. I’ll lift and carry you.
2320
[Pisthetairos and Princess lead the procession off
the stage]
CHORUS
Alalalalai—
Raise triumphal cries of joy,
sing out the noble victor’s
song—
the mightiest and highest of
all gods!
[The procession exits singing and dancing,
accompanying Pisthetairos and his bride up to Heaven]
Notes
*Execestides: An Athenian
descended from Carian slaves and therefore not
entitled to be a citizen. The point here is that he must have been extremely
skilful to get to Athens, given where he started, and even he couldn’t navigate
his way back to Athens in this terrain. [Back to Text]
*Tereus:
the name of a mythological king of Thrace who married Procne
and raped her sister Philomela. The sisters killed his son and fed Tereus the flesh for dinner. All three were changed into
birds: Tereus into a hoopoe, Procne
into a nightingale, and Philomela into a swallow. Tharreleides: the reference here seems to be to a well-known
member of the audience, perhaps celebrated for his small size and loud voice. [Back to Text]
*birds: the Greek expression is
“to the Ravens,” meaning “go to hell.” [Back to text]
*Sacas:
a name for Acestor, a foreign-born tragic dramatist. [Back to Text]
*tribe and clan:
the political units of Athenian civic life. [Back to Text]
*basket, pot, and myrtle boughs:
these materials were necessary to conduct the sacrifices at the founding of a
new city. [Back to Text]
*twelve
gods: the major Olympian deities, headed by Zeus. [Back to Text]
*Most Athenians knew very little about
peacocks. [Back to Text]
*Cranaus:
reference to a mythological king who founded Athens or a word derived from kranaos,
meaning rugged, a word often applied to Athens. [Back to Text]
*son of Scellias:
the reference is to a man called Aristocrates, an
important politician-soldier in Athens. [Back to Text]
*difficult for me: this is a
utopian fantasy because the neighbour is suggesting that, as a punishment, his
friend Euelpides would not have to help him if he gets in financial trouble,
even though he’s invited him to an important family celebration. [Back to Text]
*Red Sea: a general term for any
sea by the southern coasts of Asia. [Back to Text]
*summons: Athenian citizens
could be legally summoned home for trial. Salamia was
an official ship often used for such voyages. [Back to Text]
*Melanthius’
fault: the reference is to an Athenian tragic dramatist who had a very bad
skin condition (making him look as if he had leprosy). [Back to Text]
*Opuntius:
a widely disliked Athenian informer. A talent’s weight is just under 30 kilograms. [Back to Text]
*Teleus:
Athenian politician with a reputation for being unpredictable. [Back to Text]
*Melos: the Athenians committed a
horrible atrocity during the Peloponnesian War, starving the population of
Melos and then executing all male citizens. [Back to Text]
*In some productions of The
Birds the set design permits the audience to see inside Tereus’ quarters, so that the singer of the songs which
follow remains visible to the audience. Alternatively, Tereus
could move out onto a rocky balcony to deliver his song. It seems dramatically
very weak to have him deliver these lyrics out of sight of the audience. [Back to Text]
*Itys:
son of Tereus and Procne,
killed by his mother, who served him up as dinner, in revenge for Tereus’ rape and mutilation of her sister. [Back to Text]
*Hipponicus:
this passages refers to the Greek custom of naming
children after their grandfathers. Philocles was a
tragic dramatist. Callias, his son, was a notorious
spendthrift who squandered his family inheritance on a debauched lifestyle. [Back to Text]
*Cleonymus:
an Athenian politician well known for his eating habits and his size. He also
reputedly once threw his shield away in battle and ran off. [Back to Text]
*safer: Pisthetairos refers to a
race in which the runners wore helmets with plumes (crests), but Tereus misunderstands and talks about mountain crests where
the birds live. Caria is in Asia Minor. [Back to Text]
*shaver: the Greek bird kerulos was
a mythological species. The passage here plays on the similarity of the verb keirein meaning
to cut hair. [Back to Text]
*Athens: to bring owls to Athens
is an expression for something totally unnecessary (like bringing coals to
Newcastle). [Back to Text]
*Nikias:
Athenian general famous for his tactical skill. [Back to Text]
*Orneai:
a siege in which some Athenians took part. There were no casualties. [Back to Text]
*win: a
reference to the fact that The Birds is
competing in a drama festival. [Back to Text]
*Earth: Kronos
was the father of Zeus; the Titans were the sons of Kronos.
Earth was the original mother goddess. [Back to Text]
*Halimus:
a community on the coast near Athens. [Back to the Text]
*kite: an old
Greek custom of saluting the kite as the bird announcing the arrival of spring
by rolling on the ground.
This speech refers to the habit of carrying small coins in the mouth. Having
eaten his money, he can’t buy the food he set out to purchase. [Back to Text]
*These lines are an attempt to deal
with an totally obscure sexual pun in the Greek. [Back to Text]
*Lysicrates
gets: a reference to a corrupt Athenian politician. [Back to Text]
*Lampon:
a well known soothsayer in Athens. “By Goose” is a euphemistic way of swearing
“By Zeus.” [Back to Text]
*Kebriones and Porphyrion were
two Giants who fought against the Olympian gods. [Back to the Text]
*These women all had sexual encounters
with gods. Alkmene and Zeus produced Hercules; Semele and Zeus produced Dionysus; and Alope
and Poseidon produced Hippothoon. [Back to the Text]
*Zan:
an archaic and contemptuous name for Zeus. [Back to the Text]
*crow: in legend and folk lore
the life span of the crow was enormous. [Back to Text]
*Nikias:
Athenian general, famous for his hesitation about tactics. [Back to Text]
*Erebus: the primeval darkness. [Back to Text]
*Prodicus:
a reference to a well known philosopher who offered a materialistic explanation
for the origin of the gods.[Back to Text]
*These lines refer to the custom of
giving one’s lover a bird as a present. [Back to Text]
*Orestes: the reference is to a
well-known thief of other people’s clothing. [Back to Text]
*In other words, we’re all the oracles
you need. Ammon, Delphi, and Dodona are shrines
famous for prophecy. Apollo is the god of prophecy. [Back to Text]
*Diitrephes:
prominent Athenian politician and general. A horse-cock is a mythological
animal with the front of a horse and the rear of a cock. [Back to Text]
*poor people used esparto grass to make
rope chords to hold up the mattress. Rich folks used linen. The pun here is
obviously on Sparta-esparto. Euelpides won’t have anything to do with Sparta or
anything that sounds like it. [Back to Text]
*Theogenes
and Aeschines: two Athenian business men who
constantly boasted they were richer than they were. [Back to Text]
*the giants were
the monstrous children of Uranus; the gods are the Olympians, headed by Zeus.
The point here is that Cloudcuckooland is so great,
it’s a place for divine boasting, not just the sort of thing rich Athenians
might brag about. [Back to Text]
*Cleisthenes: a well-known
homosexual in Athens, often satirized by Aristophanes. [Back to Text]
*The officer inspecting the sentries
regularly rang a small bell to indicate that all was well. [Back to Text]
*Hestia: traditional goddess of
the hearth. [Back to Text]
*Cleocritus:
a very ugly Athenian who was often compared to an ostrich. [Back to Text]
*The Chians were
staunch allies of Athens in the Peloponnesian War. [Back to Text]
*Simonides:
well-known lyric poet of the previous generation. [Back to Text]
*These lines are a jumble of allusions
to well known poems. The founder of Aetna is Heiron, ruler
of Syracuse, whose name is the same as the word for “of holy things.” In Homer
a nod of the head signifies divine assent. [Back to Text]
*Lampon
and Diopeithes were
well-known soothsayers in Athens. [Back to Text]
*Meton was
a famous astronomer and engineer. [Back to Text]
*Colonus:
a district of Athens. [Back to Text]
*Thales: very famous astronomer
and thinker from distant past. Thales is often considered the founder of philosophy. [Back to Text]
*Commissioner: an official who
was sent out to supervise and report on a new colony. [Back to Text]
*Sardanapallos was the last king of Assyria, famous in legend for
his extravagant lifestyle and appearance. [Back to Text]
*Teleas,
an Athenian politician, would have proposed sending the Commissioner out. [Back to Text]
*Pharnakes was
an important Persian official. Dealing with him would be considered
treasonous in some quarters. [Back to Text]
*A small town in the remote north east
of Greece (by Mount Athos). [Back to Text]
*At the drama festival formal public
announcements like this were part of the script. Diagoras
was a notorious atheist who had fled Athens. The reward for killing old tyrants
was part of a ritual pronouncement to protect democracy. [Back to Text]
*Alexander: another name for
Paris of Troy. [Back to Text]
*The owls of Laureium
are coins. The owl was stamped on Athenian coins, and Laureium
was the site of the silver mines. [Back to Text]
*Greek temples commonly had triangular
pediments known as “eagles.” [Back to Text]
*Pisthetairus
compares Iris to a ship because her dressing is billowing like a sail. The two
names he gives are the two main flag ships of the Athenian fleet. [Back to Text]
*Porphyrion was
the name of one of the giants who went to war against Zeus. [Back to Text]
*The lines following refer to a number
of political figures in Athens. [Back to Text]
*This reference is to a very popular
betting game in which a quail was placed inside a circle and tapped on the head
to see if it would back off or stand its ground. [Back to Text]
*Manes is probably another name for Manodoros, since there are only two slaves in the play. [Back to Text]
*I follow Sommerstein’s
useful suggestion and add this line here to make sense of the lines which
follow. [Back to Text]
*At the festival for tragic drama, the
war orphans were paraded around in special armour given to them by the state. [Back to Text]
*Cinesias was
a well-known and frequently satirized poet in Athens. He was extremely thin and
evidently suffered very badly from diarrhea. [Back to Text]
*The tribes were the political divisions in
Athenian life. The dithyrambic competitions were organized by tribes, each one
wanting the services of the best poets. [Back to Text]
*Leotrophides was
another Athenian famous for being extremely thin (like Cinesias). [Back to Text]
*The point here seems to be that the
Sycophant’s cloak is so thin and worn that he’s singing for warm weather, when
he won’t need it. [Back to Text]
*Cranes reputedly swallowed stones to
serve as ballast on their flights. [Back to Text]
*These lines refer to the notion that
meeting up with ghosts of heroes is all right during the day but harmful at
night. There is also another reference here to the thief Orestes (mentioned
earlier by the Chorus Leader) who beats people and steals their clothes. [Back to Text]
*Thesmophoria:
an important religious festival in Greece, during which there was a period of
fasting. [Back to Text]
*Triballians:
the name of a barbarian tribe in Thrace, north of Greece. The Tiballian god who enters with Poseidon and Hercules a few
lines later on cannot speak Greek, so his lines are incomprehensible gibberish. [Back to Text]
*Prometheus stole
fire from heaven and gave it to human beings. [Back to Text]
*Timon was
a legendary Athenian who hated his fellow citizens. [Back to Text]
*Peisander:
an Athenian with a reputation for corruption and cowardice. Chaerephon was well known as an associate of Socrates. [Back to Text]
*Laespodias:
Athenian politician who dressed oddly to conceal his misshapen legs. [Back to Text]
*A kin group (phrateres)
was a group of citizens who shared a common ancestor. [Back to Text]
*These lines attack the Sophists who
earned their living by teaching rhetoric. Gorgias was
a famous sophist and Philip was his pupil and disciple. They are called
horse-loving either to suggest extravagant ambitions or their non-Athenian
tribal origins. In sacrificing an animal, the Athenians cut out the tongue
first. The suggestion seems to be that that’s what the speaker would like to do
with the Sophists. [Back to Text]
*A customary salute to the gods of
marriage. [Back to Text]
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